Daycare - Education

5 Smart Ways to Handle Teacher Troubles

Is it the teacher -- or is it your kid? How to find out why your child's unhappy at school

By Stephanie Dolgoff, Parenting
 
 
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There was no single incident that made Kim Black of River Ridge, LA, realize that all was not sunshine and warm fuzzies between her son Harrison, then 7, and his second-grade teacher. Rather, it was a constellation of things: Harrison insisting that "the teacher doesn't like me," that she yelled at him frequently in class, that she was picking on him in particular -- as well as the dramatic change in her son's disposition. "I'd had this happy-go-lucky child, and now he's coming home crying every day as he gets off the bus," says Black, a mom of four.

So before the end of the first month of school, Black went to speak with Harrison's teacher. "I said, 'My son doesn't feel like you like him,'?" recalls Black. "She was very defensive, saying, 'Of course I like him. I like all the children.'?" Black quickly explained that she wasn't accusing the teacher of doing anything wrong, but that she was simply trying to make her aware that Harrison felt this way, and to understand why. The teacher insisted she had no idea. "I think that started us off on the wrong foot," says Black, noting that things deteriorated from there and that she had "opened a can of worms." Harrison grew to dislike going to school, and his grades suffered. Ultimately he was moved to a different class, but not without much angst all around.

It's hard to know what to think (or do) when your child comes home clearly upset, or with a specific beef like Harrison's. "You hear things like, the teacher plays favorites, we all get punished if somebody's bad, she's impatient with me, or that he's bored," says Susan Etheredge, associate professor of education and child study at Smith College. Some of the complaints can be about social issues -- for instance, there's a problem with another child and the teacher isn't stepping in, says Etheredge, who adds that the beginning of the year is the peak time for all these concerns.

Depending on your style and whether or not your child is particularly sensitive, it may be tempting to advise him (in age-appropriate language, of course) to grow a pair. More likely, however, a part of you will want to elbow your way into the classroom like Nancy Grace on steroids and fight for your kid.

Totally understandable -- although more likely to get you branded as the cuckoo mom to be humored than to resolve the problem. Instead, use our step-by-step guide to sorting out your child's trouble with his teacher. You'll find that he may soon be looking forward to school -- or at least showing up and learning something.


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