Development

Does Your Child Get Enough Downtime?

By Dr. Claire McCarthy, Parenting


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Be flexible, and reevaluate frequently

Some days you just have to stay home and play checkers instead of going to soccer practice. We all  -- kids and grown-ups included  -- have those days: When nothing went right at school, when your child is tired and grumpy, and so are you, and you can tell that practice is going to make everything worse. Of course, your child can't go skipping every other practice to goof off at home. But when activities rule over his well-being, that's not good, either. His happiness is more important than any given activity on any given day-and he needs to know that.

Sometimes a child's enthusiasm for an activity can dwindle. And that's okay, too. Zachary loved piano lessons for the first couple of years, but then he began to complain a lot about practicing. The third year of lessons was no fun for anyone, and soon we'd all decided he needed to quit.

My husband and I let him know we were proud of him for all he'd learned, and that he could go back to lessons if he ever wanted to. It's good to remember that not every endeavor ends up being a lifelong activity, and that's okay. That's what trying different things is about; make sure you've said as much to your child.

Of course, in other cases, it isn't the child who needs to back out, but the family. Life is fluid and ever-changing and won't allow for all activities all the time, and every child needs to learn this  -- whether you might have new hours at work, Grandpa's ill and needs extra afternoon visits, or a newborn sibling has to nurse every hour.

In the meantime, you can cook up some fun activities at home  -- such as writing a storybook, learning how to bake, or just snuggling together to read a book. Carving out special time with your child will let him know that, while he's part of a bigger whole and needs to compromise sometimes, how he spends his time is important to you.

Turns out, Elsa did fine with her busy schedule. On weekends, we made a special trip to the ice-cream store for a cone to celebrate finishing another activity-packed week; I was proud of her, I told her each time, for working so hard. And as she beamed back at me, her face covered with chocolate, I could tell she was very proud, too.

The next fall, she happily started all three sports again. But when I asked her if she wanted to try piano lessons, she said no. I asked her why. "Because I would be too busy," she said. That was all I needed to hear.


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