Respond With Abandon

Like many parents, we harbored that horrible fear of spoiling our children. But it wasn't until we had Hayden that we were really put to the test. She needed so much more attention than any of the boys ever did, and we worried that Hayden might be manipulating us. Were we slowly losing control each time we picked her up or responded to her cries? We consulted books, a useless exercise. There were no chapters on her. Yet, here we were, two experienced adults whose lives were being taken over by a 10-pound infant.

What finally got us through was realizing that Hayden did know what she needed and would keep telling us until we understood. She was too small to manipulate us  -- she was just trying to communicate. By consistently responding to her, we learned how to soothe and comfort her, and, even more important, we fostered a very strong sense of security within her. One time a child-psychologist friend who was visiting us commented that Hayden's cries were not angry and demanding, but rather expectant, as if she knew that she would be heard. And that's exactly what all babies need  -- to know that you'll listen. So whether your baby fusses 1 time a day or 20, pick her up, sing to her, snuggle with her  -- whatever she likes. Being there for your child will only make her strong.

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