Stick to rituals and routines.

"As I've seen with my own kids, there are fewer blowups when they know what to expect," says pediatrician Cathryn Tobin, M.D., a mom of four and author of The Parent's Problem Solver. Kids tend to view as negotiable any rules that vary  -- and are therefore much more likely to object. But if supper is always preceded by a quick pickup of toys and then bathtime, your child will know there's no point in raising a fuss about cleaning up.
Keeping the routine predictable also gets you out of the bad-guy business, found Shannon Anderson of Houston, Texas. Anderson has taught her kids, Evan, 6, and David, 4, that when the timer in the family room goes off, TV time is over. "This got me out of policing mode," she says, and it keeps her boys from whining for more TV.

Allow peaceful protest. Kids aren't always going to agree with rules, and they shouldn't have to suffer their frustration in silence. But neither should they be allowed to raise the whole family's stress level by throwing a fit. At our house, if someone needs to blow off steam, he has to do it in private, behind a closed bedroom door. Once he can calmly discuss why he's unhappy or thinks a rule is unfair, my husband and I listen.
This policy works just as well for toddlers as it does for big kids. From the time they could walk, our boys knew they had to go to their rooms to have a tantrum; they'd toddle down the hall bawling their eyes out, then they'd be back 30 seconds later, tears still wet on their cheeks, but calm. It's just no fun throwing a fit if there's no audience.
Send an angry child to cool off before he blows his stack. Lots of parents (I'm one) use time-outs as punishment. Better to use one as a chance to settle down and put the brakes on an approaching eruption. So when I see things starting to heat up with one of my kids, especially with hot-tempered little Joe, I tell him to go to his room and sing one whole song (at least three verses) or look at one whole book (page by page). By the time he finishes looking at a book in his room, he's able to come out and talk reasonably.

Issue advance notice. Kids don't like nasty surprises any more than the rest of us, and unannounced changes to their own plans are sure to set off a storm of tears and whines. So give a five-minute warning when playtime is about to end, and let kids know what they can expect on errand-running trips: "First, we're going to the grocery store  -- we're getting apples and bananas, not candy  -- and after that we'll meet Emma at the park." This is especially important when what's ahead for a child is an unpleasant change in routine, says Kathleen Barco, mom of Elena, 7, in Saratoga, California: "If she's expecting to play with her Barbies but I make her write her birthday thank-you notes instead, it's a sure invitation to throw a hissy fit. So I make certain to forewarn her of things she may not care for."

Make a date with a fusspot. When kids feel ignored, they're more likely to create a fuss. "When one of my kids is getting really crazy, I'll sit down with him and ask if he needs some special attention," says Christine D'Amico, author of The Pregnant Woman's Companion and mom of Max, 4, and Charlie, 2. "It's amazing what a puzzle or a game of Candy Land will do to calm kids down."
If there are needy younger children in the house, it's especially important to set aside one-on-one time for the older ones, says Lisa Eveleigh, of Chapel Hill, North Carolina, mom of Helen, 9, Katherine, 5, and a newborn son, Michael. "When I notice Helen picking on her sister a lot, I take her out for a date to the bookstore, just the two of us. That clears up behavior problems  -- at least for a while."

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