Yield power when you can.

Fight the good fight on issues that matter  -- riding in a car seat, for instance, or getting enough sleep  -- but let your child win battles where the only thing at stake is personal preference. "It used to really bother me that my youngest daughter dressed like a tomboy," says Dr. Tobin. "But after fighting with her to no avail because she refused to wear 'girly clothes,' I finally realized she had a right to her own style."
Anderson minimizes fussing at her house by offering plenty of choices; the trick is that she only offers options that are okay with her. On a low shelf in her pantry, for instance, she keeps three bins full of lunch choices  -- one with dried or canned fruit, one with salty snacks, and one with treats for dessert. "While I'm making sandwiches each morning, they get to choose one item from each bin. They get to feel they're in control, and we don't fight over what they're eating."

Tune out technology during the witching hour. For most kids, telephone rivalry is far more potent than sibling rivalry: Mom is more interested in that piece of hardware than in me! And the worst time for that kind of jealous irritation is the end of the day. It's hard enough getting everyone fed and bathed without fielding calls from chatty friends or relatives  -- or, worse, telemarketers. So I let the answering machine pick up all calls after 5 p.m., and I don't listen to my messages until the kids are all tucked in at 8:30. I turn off the TV, too. The constant nah-nah-nah in the background, plus your child's ability to tune you out while her eyes are glued to the screen, can turn any evening into a nightmare. If you're desperate to keep your child occupied while you cook, settle for a video that won't get her riled up (Raffi in concert is big at our house).

Distract the grouch. When 6-year-old Amber Sands and her 3-year-old sister, Caroline, are squabbling, the surest distraction is humor  -- especially physical comedy of the broadest kind, says mom Ginger Sands of Nashville. "A loud, inappropriate belch by Daddy is sure to stop the arguing and bring a round of giggles!" "If someone starts to whine or complain before dinner, I ask them to help me cook," says Jill Scobie, mom of Micaela, 12, Quinn, 8, and Nolan, 5, in Asheville, North Carolina. "They get to sample items as they're being prepared, and they earn lots of praise from the rest of the family at suppertime. It slows things down in the kitchen, but it keeps everyone more even-keeled."

Encourage kissing. I learned this lesson when I was a fourth-grader in Catholic school. For months I'd been heading into the confessional with the same sin: I was mean to my brother and sister. The priest gave me a creative penance. I had to kiss every member of my family and tell each one that I loved him or her once a day. And I couldn't explain that I was doing it because the priest told me to.
Believe me, no one was more startled than my little brother the first night I gave him a peck on the cheek and said, "I love you." At first he just stared at me, but then he said, "I love you, too." My sister and my parents did the same. It became a habit that stuck. To this day, every member of my family says "I love you" before hanging up the phone or walking out the door.

Fortunately, feelings of affection are as contagious as grouchiness, so the more you show your appreciation of one another, the more you'll get back. And it's the kind of bug you don't mind catching, again and again.

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