A Little Romance
Leave your body alone
Besides exhaustion and inertia, feeling rotten about your body can be one of the biggest impediments to romance. Once again, get over it. You don't have to be totally comfortable with your postbaby shape, and you can keep working on making it better. But in the meantime, do yourself and your partner a favor and show your body some respect. For one thing, look at the amazing creation it's produced. "I feel better about my body now, despite the fact that I find my boobs laughable," says Kendall. "You're either going to find peace after having babies, or you're going to find the name of every plastic surgeon in town."
Bear in mind, too, that complaining about your imperfections is a drag for your mate to listen to. So put on some nice undies, dim the lights, and keep your self-criticism to yourself.
Sex doesn't solve everything, but it sure can help. It's the one thing you do with your mate that you don't do with anyone else. And because it's a central part of what makes your
relationship intimate, the lack of it has ripple effects all over your marriage. "When couples drop out of sex, they're often less willing to be playful, to laugh at each other's jokes, to sit next to one another on the couch, to be friends," says Weiner Davis. In other words, it's hard to have romance if you're not having sex.
Of course you're tired. But on your deathbed, will you wish you'd slept more or made love more? So when the merest flicker of desire crosses your mind, or your partner makes it clear he's interested, go ahead and take the plunge even if the planets aren't all in alignment. The fact is you don't have to be fully rested, perfectly toned, or exactly in the mood to do it. (You don't even have to do it -- just being naked together can be romantic.)
"How many people who jog really feel like doing it before they start?" asks Weiner Davis. "But once they get started, it feels pretty good. My husband and I have been together thirty-one years, and still, periodically, we'll look at each other over dinner and say we can't believe we made these incredible human beings. It's always a romantic moment."
You and your spouse have an intimate history together that you share with no one else. You had babies together. You saw them enter the world and grow. You watched each other grow into people who care more about someone else than about yourselves. By raising kids together, you're engaging in the most impractical, sentimental, and hopeful act a person can take.
It doesn't get much more romantic than that.