Q Please help me control my two-year-old's jealousy tantrums! I am currently dating a man who enjoys being around my daughter, and she seems to like his company as well. Except, each time he attempts to give me a hug or vice-versa she throws herself to the floor and whines until I pick her up. How can I get her used to sharing her mommy with another person? And how do I deal when she throws these tantrums?
A Your child's "problem" is really just a sign of her strong attachment to you. You are her mommy, she loves you very much, and she doesn't want to share you with anyone else. And it's only natural that she's not yet ready to share you. You are the most important person in the world to her.
Generally, 2-year-olds throw tantrums for two reasons: First, they don't yet have the verbal skills to express their frustration. And second, they have a hard time making sense of concepts that conflict with their expectations. In other words, your daughter finds it confusing that someone else is showing affection for "her mommy." To help your little one warm up to your partner, try these tips:
Identify the trigger. If hugs trigger a tantrum, simply hug in private. Take note of what causes this little volcano to erupt and avoid those triggers as much as you can.
Redirect the tantrum. Take tantrums as an opportunity to build trust with your child. As soon as your toddler starts to rage, offer a comforting "It's okay," hug her, and quickly redirect her energies into some fun activity. Sometimes tantrums are a child's cry for help¿ -- to rescue them from themselves. They've lost control and need a trusting adult to help them regain their composure. The louder her voice, the softer should be yours.
Have a group hug. While hugging your child, invite your partner to join in. This gets your child comfortable with someone else hugging you in her presence.
Be patient. Time is on your side. Within a year or two, she will be able to understand¿ -- and appreciate¿ -- when someone is nice to you. While you and your partner are waiting, continue to display how much you enjoy one another simply through joyful talk and laughter. Once your toddler catches the spirit of joy between you two, she'll join in. And after your child gets used to living with your partner, these tantrums will be a scene from your toddler's past.
