Ask Laura: My Husband Rarely Wants Sex
Ever since our son was born, my husband rarely wants sex. I know I've been easily distracted and not as attentive -- could it be my fault?
Rest assured, no one's to blame here. Millions of men lose their libido at some point -- they just don't often talk about it. You can help break the silence with a gentle, neutral approach like "I love you, and I'm missing our intimacy. Can we talk about it?" It's possible he's stuck on some of the more gory moments of the birth, and in that case, a little seduction can do wonders for getting him over his squeamishness. Another fix: banishing the baby clutter from the bedroom. Designate the area as a place for the two of you to reopen the door for intimacy. Still no go? Then it's a good idea for him to see a doctor, as conditions like depression and low testosterone can sap a once active sex drive. And take heart -- after you acknowledge the problem, you're well on the road to finding your way back, together.
Laura Berman, Ph.D., runs The Berman Center, a sex therapy clinic for women and couples, in Chicago. Send her your questions at Parenting.com/momsquad.