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Best of Twitter’s Honest Toddler

Courtesy HonestToddler/Twitter

On potty training

If you did a secret poo on the floor, would you bring mommy to it, cover it with a blanket, or hide? Asking for a friend.

Toddler Tip: Ask to poop at the grocery store. You get to see the warehouse and many boxes. Don't actually poop.

Doing science. Put several diapers in the toilet. Fascinating.

Toddler Tip: On the highway? Take a sudden interest in potty training. Be sure to have already pooed/peed by the time they pull over.

Toddler Tip: Whenever possible, maintain eye contact while pooping.

On eating

Crushed the contents of an entire box of Ritz crackers. Hungry for Ritz crackers. Not these ones. They're broken.

Crying for a black popsicle. I don't care if they exist or not. Make it happen.

String cheese doesn't keep well between couch cushions.

Emptied a family size box of cereal on the tile. Sounded just like a cool summer rain. Mmmmm. It really is the little things in life.

Recipe: Step on a raisin with your bare feet. Eat raisin. Enjoy!

On sleeping

In the big bed. Was knife fighting in my sleep and damaged my parents. So much power.

Back tapping. Don't try to rush it. Don't lean on my crib either. Use your core.

Woke up in the big bed again! Mom, dad and I were in letter "H" formation. Guess who was in the middle? :)

In bed. Just noticed the color of my socks. They're not going to work. Not tonight.