A homework assignment for anyone with a toddler: As you go through the day, count the number of times you say no to your child. If you're like me (15-plus), it's way more often than you'd prefer. Why are toddlers such magnets for trouble? "They're at an inquisitive phase -- not to mention newly mobile," points out Marilyn Gootman, author of The Loving Parents' Guide to Discipline and a mom of three. The result: Anything those dimpled arms can reach -- the CD player, Mom's lipstick stash -- is fair game. Toddlers are also struggling to establish their independence, so they test limits by heading toward forbidden objects and activities.
While you need to keep your little rascal safe, too many "no's" can backfire. "It's like crying wolf. If you say it too often, children will tune it out," says Gootman. That means they may not listen when it really counts, such as when they're about to dart into the street. Since toddlers are expert mimics, you'll also be dismayed to find that the more you say no, the more they'll say it back to you. Some will react to flat-out refusals by throwing tantrums, and if you're constantly telling your kids what not to do, you risk putting a negative spin on the relationship.
You can't forgo discipline altogether, though. If you don't establish rules, your kids will be ill-mannered -- and no fun to be around. It'll also chip away at their confidence. "Kids grow up to be more secure if they know someone cares enough to set limits. Otherwise, the world seems scary and chaotic," says Gootman. To help you get tough -- without turning tyrannical -- clue in to these reality-tested, "no"-free tactics.
