My daughter was just past her second birthday when I gave her a belated present: a baby brother. I knew it was important that Matilda feel Anthony was hers, as well as ours, so when we came home from the hospital I snapped lots of photos of her trying to hold her newborn sibling as he slipped from her lap toward the floor.
It didn't take long, however, for the blissful growing-family bubble to burst. Days later I swallowed tears (wayward postpartum hormones, no doubt) when a pack of relatives descended on our home and rushed right past Matilda to see the baby. The crushed look on her face said it all. It wasn't long before she was sticking play dough up her nose and using the furniture as a trampoline every time I attempted to feed or change or otherwise turn my attention to Anthony.
The motivation behind having a second child is honorable enough, of course: to increase the love and laughter in a home; to provide a friend and playmate for a first child; to become a bigger family like the kind many of us remember growing up in. But no matter how much your firstborn claims to want a baby brother or sister, the reality of living with one on a day-to-day basis is to little kids what sleep deprivation is to us: You can't fathom how tough it is until you actually experience it.
Unfortunately, most young children don't have the language skills to express their feelings. And sometimes what's perceived as a response to the baby is really a response to the mom's stress and exhaustion. Here's what your firstborn might be thinking, and the best ways you can respond:
Stephanie Wood, now a mom of three, is coauthor of The Epidemic.
