Dealing With Defiance

Create consequences When the misbehavior isn't site-specific, or you can't just leave, or you're at home, you've got to find a threat that matters to your child. After all, one child's time-out is another child's excuse to daydream. [OPENWINDOW {http://www.parenting.com/parenting/child/article/0,19840,1181774,00.html} {Consequences tied to the misbehavior}] are best: "The longer you delay going to bed, the fewer stories I'll have time to read you." The lesson that Mom doesn't forget bad behavior can also pack a wallop. Try this: When your child acts out at a party, tell her she'll have to miss the next one -- and photograph her misbehaving. When the next invite comes, bring out the picture to remind her of why she won't be going.

We've all been there. Having explained our request, argued, and issued threats, our defiant child stands before us, jaw set and arms akimbo. The question racing through both of our minds: "Now what?"

Dealing with outright disobedience is the parenting job we dread most. In part because most of us have no idea how to handle it, but also because decades of advice from parenting experts have both confused us and left us scared that we'll somehow compromise our darlings' burgeoning self-esteem if we react in the wrong way.

But take heart. The fact is, dealing swiftly with a child's misbehavior  -- and doing so consistently  -- matters more than the details of your response.

Below, eight proven ways to deal with high-test naughtiness. What works one day in one situation might not work the next when the stakes and setting are different, so it pays to be flexible. Just make sure, however you manifest your intolerance, that your child knows quickly and for certain that defiance won't be tolerated. A one-size-doesn't-fit-all guide to solutions:

Parenting contributing editor Julie Tilsner's most recent book, Mommy Yoga, came out in October 2005.