7:45 a.m. Phone rings. It's my ex-wife, with a wake-up quiz.
Her (brisk and focused): "What about Stella's playdate today with Charlotte?" Stella is 6, and playdates always outrank school.
Me: "Huh?" The morning stupor is slow to lift.
Her: "I can't do it." Something about her...something. Whatever.
Her (again): "You take care of it."
Click. End of conversation. Dial tone. Put down phone. Look at clock. Yikes -- they'll be late for school! Jump out of bed, rush into the living room without looking back.
Emergency mode. Make Stella's lunch. Check for Max's third-grade homework folder. Need to wake them up. I'll shower first. How fast can we all get dressed? They can be a little late, since they're only in elementary school. Stumbling into pants now. It's not so terrible, I keep telling myself, I just have to go in and wake them up. I race into their bedroom and...they're not there!!!
Here's what I've recently discovered about divorce: My new apartment is dull without my children. When their things are still, untouched, even for a day or two, the home can feel like a morbid museum exhibition. And on mornings like this one, when I realize -- just a little late -- that it isn't one of my days, that Max and Stella are at their mom's, I am quite literally lost.
It wasn't so long ago, with a legal separation in hand and the final divorce document lolling its way through the courthouse, that my kids and I were gamely preparing for my relocation into a new home. It turned out that legal combat, attorney's fees, and random vindictiveness were a game of patty-cake compared to actually sitting down and splitting up the toys.
No self-help books or evangelical television personalities could adequately prepare me for the prospect of boxing up half of Max's 7-year-old life estate and an equal parcel of Stella's kindergarten kitty. The kids themselves certainly had no idea how to approach such a daunting experience. Or was it really so daunting for them? Sometimes, what seems particularly confusing for grown-ups is a relatively simple adventure for kids.As total novices in the separation game, we just jumped into the water, for better or worse. With their mom away on business, I steered our course, but it was vital that Max and Stella felt that they were in control of their own belongings.
David Tabatsky, a playwright, a teacher, and a director, has written for the Sesame Workshop Family Newsletter.
