A year ago, Kim Haley-Coleman convinced her friends to gather in the lush rain forest of Costa Rica and climb to the top of the jungle canopy to go zip-lining. "There's a mom from playgroup whom I saw in a whole new light. She was flipped upside down, screaming. She was totally going for it!" says Haley-Coleman, a Dallas mom of two. "The trip was all about bonding. Everyone felt like they re-created themselves."
Now you may be thinking: I can't pick up and go like that. We're here to tell you that yes, you can--and you deserve to. "We have to fill our emotional tanks," says Lisa Kasanicky, author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Girlfriend Getaways. "We feel like we have to watch what we say, with our husbands, with our kids, but with our friends, we're safe. We can vent and giggle and just relax." When you get home from a girls-only trip, you'll notice a lightness in yourself and a new appreciation of your life and the job you do as a mom. Sounds pretty good, right? Now, here are the four steps to making it happen.
Squash the Excuses
The first thing you have to do is confront the emotional aspect of going away. There's guilt for dumping all the work on your partner, sadness because your kids will miss you, anxiety over all the things you know won't get done. But for Haley-Coleman, traveling with friends is a lot like making time to go to the gym. "Are you going to feel bad that you are not with your kids the maximum time that you possibly can be? Or are you going to go and make yourself a stronger, happier mom when you are with them?"
Another important move: "Try not to 'catastrophize' the situation," says Howard E.A. Tinsley, Ph.D., a fellow at the Academy of Leisure Science. In other words, resist obsessing on the long list of things that could go wrong at home. Will your daughter wear the dress you were saving for her birthday to daycare? Maybe. Will your son be late to his soccer game because Dad refused to get directions from the coach? Yeah, probably. But no matter how much of a cleanup job you'll come home to, life will go on, and proving that the first time can help you let go the next.
"With my control-freak nature, just realizing they can survive without me was huge," says Linda Condrillo, a mom of two in Mountainside, NJ, who made her dream of a girlfriend trip to celebrate her birthday a reality.
If you're particularly anxious, create a detailed list for DH (or whoever's going to be in charge while you're gone). Many moms we spoke to said that once they put every last playdate, doctor's appointment, book report, and little reminder down on a piece of paper, they felt freed.
Start Out Small
If you're not ready for a full week, begin with baby steps. Kara Williams, a mom of two in Carbondale, CO, and a writer on Thevacationgals.com, first took "staycations" with her friends, heading to a hotel 30 minutes away. "Just 24 hours away from home did wonders--wonders!--for my sanity" she says. She finally worked her way up to a weeklong vacation at a spa resort in Mexico.
