Resolve
We've all heard about the terrible twos. But nobody talks about the tantrum-throwing threes or the ferocious fours. So lots of parents are surprised when their preschooler hurls himself on the floor, screaming, after not getting a coloring book at the supermarket. Preschoolers, like toddlers, can fall apart when they're tired, hungry, or overwhelmed. We assume that because they have stronger language and reasoning skills, they'll have better control over themselves. But sometimes, they have a harder time settling down (bedtime, for example) because they think they're missing out... on something. Fortunately, kids this age place great importance on figures of authority: teachers, doctors, and you. Use this to your advantage to set clear, firm rules, says Errika Lynch, a preschool teacher and mom of two in Groton, Massachusetts. Like any tough leader, you can't get too mired down in details. That means no negotiation over bedtime. Being steadfast and concise is key, so they know what's expected.
Forethought
When he's 2 or so, your formerly voracious eater may become so picky you'll worry he's malnourished (who can live off PB&J alone?). Experts say you're dealing with a power struggle and a plea for independence, both playing out at the dinner table. Suddenly, kids realize they can exert total, maddening control by refusing to eat what's in front of them. So you need to think ahead in the kitchen -- but that doesn't mean making multiple meals or giving in to their demands. It does mean having a few good choices for everyone, and leaving it at that. "Children will not willingly starve themselves," says Nori Hudson, a nutrition consultant based in Berkeley, California.
If your child's not getting the entire nutritional food pyramid every day, don't worry. He'll likely have all his nutritional needs met over the course of a week. So watch what he eats and plan accordingly: If he goes for peas one day, offer him cheese or yogurt the next. Another tactic is to get your preschooler involved before dinnertime. Ask him to help you mix the mac and cheese so he feels like he's in control. Or at the market, let him pick out a fruit that he finds interesting-looking. "It's never too early to let kids experience a variety of textures, tastes, and colors," says Hudson. "Eventually they'll grow out of the pickiness."
A sense of fantasy
Actors have nothing on preschoolers -- or their moms. On any given day, your child will be a baby elephant, a monster alien, or a fairy ballerina. And you get to play along. "Imagination is critical for their development," says Claire Lerner, director of parenting resources at Zero to Three, a Washington, DC-based children's advocacy group. Preschoolers stretch their language skills as they describe complex story plots for you to follow. They hone their logic ("This happened, so this happened, and then this...") and develop social skills playing imaginatively with their peers -- describing how to build the fort, for example, and cooperating to make it happen. "Your role is to become a facilitator," says Lerner. "Be careful not to take over their story. The more they do, the better." Offer her ideas, like "Oh, no, there's an alligator! What are we going to do now?" Playing dress-up? Encourage her to make props out of ordinary stuff around the house (a bowl can make a very nice crown). Just remember you're the supporting actor in this play. Let her direct for now.
Besides being a regular contributor to Parenting, Julie Tilsner writes about her kids and her kitchen mishaps in her blog, badhomecooking.com.
