The labor of love called parenting can be difficult -- even when your child is compliant and adoring. But when your simple requests or innocent remarks are met with sassy retorts, sullen silences, even eye rolling or shoulder shrugging, you can feel angry and discouraged or find yourself caught up in an argument neither of you will win.
Given the consequences, what compels kids as young as 3 to be insolent? Often they do it to get attention, to test their skills at arguing, or to try to dominate their parents, friends, or teachers. Being able to use words to make other people angry, or even sad, can give youngsters a sense of power.
But not all rude behavior should be considered an act of defiance. Kids, like adults, expend a lot of emotional energy being well-mannered to people in the outside world -- be it at school or at daycare. Parents should be aware that little ones are more likely to lose their composure at home, where they feel safer, than they are in other places.
Besides, children are bound to be disappointed when their wants clash with parental rules and authority, and you should expect -- and allow -- a certain amount of whining and grumbling when you're telling a child to do something or enforcing limits: "Awwh, do I have to?" "No fair." "I did it last time." "I never get to stay up late."
You can view such comments as harmless background noise and either ignore them or, if you feel you must respond, simply paraphrase what your child is feeling, while restating your own request. "I hear that you wish you didn't have to do chores, and the garbage still needs to be taken out."
Marianne Neifert, M.D., a contributing editor, is a pediatrician and the author of Dr. Mom's Parenting Guide.
