Having no prior experience in the matter, I always imagined that after the real work of potty training was over and done with, so too would end my responsibility to interact with someone else's poop. The months of mining poo-shrapnel from the mysterious crevices of the male scrotal region would fade into distant memory, and I could once again enjoy a nice manicure without thinking, my gosh, what's the point?
Of course, as it turns out, children don't magically master the art of wiping their own bottoms overnight, and even though your child may be old enough to pick out his clothes, read simple sentences, and argue as passionately as a trial attorney about the gross unfairness of an 8 p.m. bedtime, he may turn out to be a slow learner when it comes to toilet paper.
It may, in fact, come to be that one fateful night you will find yourself removing poop from your child's rear end, the toilet seat, his hand, and -- oh, I can barely say it -- the handle of the liquid soap dispenser.
Which is to say, by all means celebrate the wonderful achievement of potty training! But take it from me, don't book that salon appointment just yet.
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