"Great Job!" or "Good Girl!"
What could possibly be wrong with praise? Positive reinforcement, after all, is one of the most effective tools a parent has. The trouble comes in when the praise is vague and indiscriminate. Tossing out "Great job!" for every little thing your child does -- from finishing his milk to drawing a picture -- becomes meaningless. Kids tune it out. They can also tell the difference between praise for doing something rote or simple and praise for a real effort.
To get out of the habit of such effusiveness:
- Praise only those accomplishments that require real effort. Finishing a glass of milk doesn't cut it. Neither does drawing a picture, if your child is the kind who makes dozens of them every day.
- Be specific. Instead of "Beautiful job," say, "What bright, happy colors you picked for the dog's spots." Or "I see you drew a picture of the story that we read this morning."
- Praise the behavior rather than the child: "You were so quiet with your puzzle while I was finishing that paperwork, just like I asked."
How much nicer if I'd said that to my daughters instead of transforming into a spewing volcano. Luckily, I'm sure to get another opportunity tomorrow.
