The shift from husband and wife or boyfriend and girlfriend to mom and dad is the biggest factor couples face when adjusting to life as parents. “Men and women have a hard time integrating sexual identities with parental identities,” says Dorfman. “At the beginning of the relationship, a man views his partner as a mate — a sexual being, so to speak. After a woman becomes a mother, her main focus becomes her child, and both the man and the woman may have a hard time reconciling her new identity as mother and mate. ”
“You will come out victorious on the other side,” says Jenn Berman, psychotherapist and host of Couples Therapy on VH1. “You might just have to work particularly hard to stay connected.”
Great Sex = Great Sleep
Sleep or, specifically, the lack thereof, takes the biggest toll on sex. “It goes without saying that sex drive is impacted by lack of sleep,” says Jenn Berman. “Both sex and sleep are critical to our well-being, but they don’t always go together. You can sleep without having sex first, but it feels like the tallest order to have sex when you’re not well-rested.”
The key is to stop thinking of sex and sleep as either-or. Instead, consider sex as the means to a better night’s sleep for both of you — really. “Couples who engaged in regular sex were more likely to experience high-quality sleep than couples who didn’t,” according to a study by Laura Berman, director of the Berman Women’s Wellness Center. If you wanna get some, ya gotta strategize.
Eighteen percent of respondents said they plan sex far in advance, meaning they mark the calendar and set aside time. This works, says Jenn Berman, “Parents have to make their intimate time a priority.” Set yourself a bedtime earlier than you normally hit the hay. If you’re still awake and alert when you both retire to the bedroom, it’s more likely you won’t be “too tired” to get it on. By the time sleep comes, you’ll enjoy the benefits of being well-bedded.
