Shake What Your Mama Gave Ya
Once you have your bundle of joy home, those skinny jeans and crop tops might no longer be an option, and that’s perfectly OK: You’ve earned your stripes. “Everything about your body is different,” says Dorfman. “Things shift around and redistribute, and with that comes a readjustment to your body image.” While you might have to leave your clubwear in the closet for a time while your body readjusts to supporting just one person instead of two, eventually you’ll get back to feeling like your old self, only better. “Women are very sensitive to the response of others, and motherhood just exacerbates that,” says Dorfman. “She assumes that if she thinks she’s unattractive, her partner must think so too when that’s not the case at all.” The reality: Most men aren’t staring at your cellulite and stretch marks when you undress. “Likely, they’re just thinking about how amazing it feels to be so close to you,” says Chase. Sexiness is a state of mind, and there are a few simple ways—like exercise and listening to music—to get your head back into sexy mode.
Let's Talk About Sex
The most effective way to get more of what you want is by talking about it with your partner. “Open lines of communication about wants and needs in the bedroom are key,” says Goldstein. “You talk about money and parenting style, why not sex? Just like anything else, if it’s not talked about, the problem will fester and become a bigger and bigger issue in the relationship.” You want to role-play? Say so. Thinking about buying a vibrator? Get online and let your partner pick one out with you. Sex is a selfish desire in a lot of ways, but it’s a basic human need, says Jennifer Hutt, mother of two, radio show host and co-author of Whateverland: Learning to Live Here . “Like any goal or life choice, if you don’t verbalize it, you won’t get it,” Hutt says.
If talking to your partner about your sexual needs still seems like a stretch, get professional assistance from a third party you trust, like a physician or therapist. “Unwillingness or inability to have a healthy sex life with your partner is like any other health issue,” says Goldstein. “If you had a broken leg, you’d go see a doctor. So if our sex lives are broken, we need to get help with that too.” It’s certainly not going to heal on its own.
