Do you have a baby? Has it been a while since you and your significant other have ... shall we say ... been physically intimate with each other? Are you dying for some adult time? No surprise there.
According to a survey of over 100 mental health professionals, 75% agree that couples are the least sexually satisfied when they have a newborn or infant. But, have no fear! Help is on the way. In the same survey, we asked these experts for their opinions about the most effective techniques for getting couples with kids back under the sheets.
Laura Wittren is a regular contributor at YourTango.com
The experts were given six options: date nights (53%), scheduled sex (16%), watching porn together (1%), taking a vacation together (11%), going to therapy together (2%), and other (17%). Watching porn as a couple was clearly not a favorable option while planning a date night was seen as highly effective. For our experts who chose "other," we gave the opportunity to provide a different answer, and here's what they said:
"Setting anytime aside that does not include the kids."
"Appreciation and respect for each other is very sexy. Tell your lover how beautiful they are. Mean it. Desire trumps all circumstances."
"Learn, optimize and maximize intimacy often and at every level. Sex is at the extreme end of the rich intimacy spectrum. If sex is all there is in intimacy, connection and feeling loved will be limited at best."
"Taking turns initiating sex and making it a priority.""Date nights, scheduled sex, watching porn together, taking a vacation or going to therapy are all useful. The most effective way for couples to revive their sex life after having kids is by putting attention, creativity, time and effort into it. Your sex life can only coast in one direction. Couples need to get creative and motivated to keep their sex life from coasting."
"If you are intentional, you can be satisfied at all times."
"All of the above."
"When couples make the commitment to spending mindful, quality time together. This deepens or re-creates connection which increases sexual desire."
"Date nights are the most effective way to feel closer and reignite the passion that may have faded over the years. They remind couples to take time out for each other, give them a short respite from their responsibilities, and the freedom to express intimacy. Date nights do not necessarily entail sexual intimacy. (In fact, it's better for the couple to assume it won't happen so the pressure is off both parties), however date nights almost always result in closer bonding, making for a more stable marriage.”
"Designating kid's bedtime and "us" time."
"The sex life does not need revival if they are energetically aligned."
"Be sure to make time and space, like by getting kids to bed early enough that parents have time alone and putting a lock on their door."
"Date nights, scheduled sex, or taking a vacation all work."
"After talking about it spontaneously, flexibly some of those or all."
"All the above ... scheduled sex and making sure they are taking time to connect without the kids around — also, depends on the couple."
"Date nights, vacations, mid-day sex, mini staycations (one overnight)."
"All of these and more are effective. Most important thing is to prioritize the man/woman relationship first before the parenting relationship."
There you have it, the experts have spoken. Don't linger in that 75% any longer. Talk with your partner ASAP, and make your sex life a priority.
The results are in. Which will you try with your man?
Want to learn more? Click over to YourTango for their Love After Kids event featuring all kinds of advice and insights from our experts about the unique challenges of coparenting in the digital age.
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