The First Time We Had Sex After The Baby
How long we waited: Tom and I were planning to have sex again right after my six-week follow-up appointment (when the doctor gives the official okay), but it didn't happen until two days later because we were so busy and tired. The evening it did happen, we were able to sit down and eat dinner together. Tom cooked, which made it all the better. That and the grown-up conversation were enough to get me in the mood.
How I felt: I was excited but also nervous about what it would be like. It was definitely different -- I'd had an episiotomy, so it hurt, but changing positions, a little Astroglide, and a lot of patience (on both our parts) helped. Still, physically speaking, on a scale of 1 to 10, I'd have to rate it a 1.5.
Where my mind was: A lot of the time, I was totally distracted. Whenever I closed my eyes, I thought I heard the baby crying. But of course he wasn't because he was sound asleep in the next room. I also kept thinking, "I really should be catching up on sleep right now or cleaning up that mess in the kitchen." It was awful to be so ready to enjoy the moment and then have my mind wander.
How my husband handled it: He was wonderful -- having watched the birth, he had a whole new respect for my body. He was gentle and cautious and asked how I was feeling. To try to make things better, he gave me a little back massage to relax me and suggested different positions. So even though the experience wasn't so great physically, at least for me, the intimacy and renewed connection with Tom helped make up for it.
How I felt about my body: I was very self-conscious. I wore a bra with thick nursing pads so I wouldn't leak (talk about unsexy), my stomach felt like risen bread dough, and I hadn't had my hair cut or colored in almost six months. I was really concerned about how Tom would respond, but he said he loved my new curves.
What I'd do differently: I'd talk to Tom about my apprehension beforehand. Even though we communicated once things got going, we had to put on the brakes and slow things down. My body and mind needed lots of time to warm up, and I think the night would've felt less like an experiment if I'd shared my feelings earlier.
The second time we had sex: More time passed than I'd like to admit -- we waited almost another month. It's just one of those things that moves to the bottom of the priority list when you're a new parent. But as time went on, it got better.
Words of wisdom: Be patient with yourself -- it'll take some time before it starts to feel totally comfortable again. It took me a few months. And have a glass of wine beforehand!