Q: My partner and I have a great sex life, except for one thing: It's hard for me to go from "mommy" to "naughty" quickly, and often we only have time for a quickie. How can I make the transition?
A: It's not unusual for moms to struggle with the shift from mother to lover. Unhooking from the daily whirlwind and enjoying the here-and-now with your partner isn't always easy, but the more you do it, the better you'll get at it. Some ways you can flip the switch:
Cultivate a fantasy life all day long! Allowing erotic thoughts to flit in and out of your head during the day will lay the groundwork for the big event later on. Let your mind run wild while you're showering in the morning or stuck in traffic. The daydreams don't have to be about your partner, either. With fantasies, anything is fair game. When you and your partner do hook up, tune in to one of your favorite fantasies to help get you in the mood, pronto.
Make "sexy" a part of your daily routine. If you don't feel sexy, you won't want sex. So you have to tap into that side of yourself regularly, even outside the bedroom. Whether it's enjoying a glass of wine or wearing a leopard-print thong underneath your sweats, spicy rituals are concrete reminders that you're a sensual being.
Meditate for a minute. When the moment presents itself, take a minute (he'll wait) to just breathe. During this decompression, allow yourself to let go of your "mommy" persona. You're a great mother, but that's just one part of who you are.
Laura Berman, Ph.D., author of Talking to Your Kids About Sex, runs a sex therapy clinic in Chicago. Send her your questions at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Better Sex Tonight!
We asked readers to share their red-hot tips for making the most of their happy rendezvous. Pick your faves and give them a whirl.
Try something X-rated. "My husband and I recently rented a porn film. It wasn't the film itself that gave our sex life a boost -- in fact, the movie was ridiculous -- but we ended up laughing so much that it brought us closer and put us in a frisky mood."
Do it in the morning. "My husband and I are too tired at night to have sex, so we try to find time in the morning before getting up, when the kids are in a safe place, like in front of the TV They know not to interrupt 'Mommy and Daddy time' unless there's an emergency. We have more energy and focus, so the sex is better."
Change positions. "I've had three babies, so the positions that brought me to orgasm before children don't do it anymore. The angle that does the trick now is to place a pillow under my lower back so my pelvis is tilted up. This position also helped us find my G-spot. It took us a while, but once we did? Wow."