Getting busy…on a family vacation
May 10, 2012
by Matt Villano
There’s no question that the day-to-day rigors of parenthood force us grown-ups to devise creative (and sometimes entirely new) ways of doing the nasty with our significant others (for more on that, read this).
Perhaps the biggest challenge of all: Getting busy while on a family vacation.
On paper, the new places and change of routine that come with time away from home should amount to the perfect excuse to get all “Clan of the Cave Bear.” In reality, however, unless you’ve got the resources to spring for a two-bedroom suite everywhere you go, the logistics of sex when you’re sharing a room with the kids can be messy.
Thankfully, I’ve got some ideas—none of which involves Viagra or administering unnecessary Benadryl to the children to keep them asleep.
My wife would divorce me if I shared our private sexual secrets in a public forum. Instead, I opted to crowd-source the piece, posing the family travel sex question to a total of nearly 3,000 Twitter and Facebook followers, all of whom knew I might quote them anonymously. Answers ranged from ridiculous (“Closets are good”) to cop-out (“Just don’t bother”). These (below) were the zingers.
Cash in on the kids’ club
Many high-end resort-style hotels offer kids’ clubs at which parents can drop their children for a few hours of pay-by-hour childcare each day. Ostensibly, the clubs exist to give moms and dads time to power down some drinks or a fun day sans the youngsters. Nobody has to know if you use those hours of freedom to power it in instead. One caveat: Make sure you clean up (the room and, um, yourselves) before they return. No matter how creative you think you might be, it’s difficult to explain your way out of a gold-foil condom wrapper or obvious bed-head.
Hit the bathroom
Save for the closets (which, if you’re rail-thin, I guess could be an option), there’s only one truly private spot in a standard hotel room: the bathroom. An overwhelming number of respondents to my questions said they’ll crank up the sound machine, wait until the kids are fast asleep, then hit the shower—together. Other “useful” aspects of most hotel bathrooms include the sink counter, toilet tank and (if you’re really desperate, or if you’re a little person) the toilet itself. Of course there’s always the floor. Just use towels. And maybe kneepads.
It’s pretty awesome (or weird, depending on how you look at it) that mime artists are able to tell stories without making as much as a peep. When it comes to having sex on a family vacation, some moms and dads embrace the same approach, going after it right on the bed in the main room, in silence. We admit there’s something sort of kinky and cool about seeing which partner can make the least amount of noise. Still, potential pitfalls of this strategy are significant; getting “caught” by your kids could scar them—and you, really—for life.
Have you tried to have sex with your partner on a family vacation? If so, what was your strategy? And how’d it go? Provided you’re comfortable sharing insights, please provide feedback in the comment field below.