Feeling Less Than Fertile
July 10, 2007
I don't feel pregnant. I don't think it's gonna happen this month. I don't really know why, but I'm just not expecting it to happen. Maybe I'm thinking the third try is meant be the charm as opposed to the second try. Or maybe I'm thinking that it just isn't meant to be that easy for me. Things aren't usually easy breezy for me, so why should getting pregnant be any different? Or maybe I weirdly think that I'll deserve to get pregnant more after I've tried for a little while longer — after I've earned it more. Weird, right? Lord knows plenty of fertility-challenged people "deserve" to get pregnant and don't, so I realize my logic is flawed. But perhaps it's because of those people that I feel like I should suffer a little more — pay my dues — before I receive this miraculous gift.
It's not that I'm a martyr. In fact, if it takes me too long, I'm pretty sure I'll start to get panicky. But, the second try just seems too easy. I'm hoping the third try will be the winner. Three is my lucky number.