Secrets and Lies When It Comes To Pregnancy
June 29, 2011
I recently wrote 11 Movies About Single Parent Families for parenting.com They all showcase bright, positive scenarios and outcomes (and pie!). Over the weekend, I watched Blue Valentine starring Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams. Talk about a modern family movie.
Some spoiler stuff here...
Cindy (Michelle Williams) is dating Bobby (Mike Vogal) when Dean (Ryan Gosling) starts courting her. For Dean, the attraction is instant and soon Michelle warms up to him. She warms up enough to have sex with him (cheating on Bobby). Next, she’s pregnant and she doesn’t know who the dad is. All she knows is that she loves Dean—not Bobby. She tells Dean she has no clue who the father is and plans to abort the fetus—but changes her mind while her legs are in the stirrups.
I won’t tell you who the dad is. I will say I know someone who was pregnant when the bio-dad left and she met and married her husband when her child was an infant. The infant is now 10 and thinks her mom's husband is her bio-dad. He is her "real" dad, because he's the guy who coaches her softball team and taught her how to make homemade pizza. I don't agree with the deception. I think the child should know the truth. I think if the truth ever comes out it might be alarming. I don't think there is harm in knowing bio-dad wasn't ready to be a dad, it had nothing to do with the child, but "real" dad is DAD-ENOUGH. I think humans are scared of the truth, but the truth sets us free.
If you love someone and want to be with that person, is it OK to not tell the bio-dad your pregnant with his child (because you want to be with someone else?). Is it OK to give birth to a child, see the resemblance of bio-dad, but remain tight-lipped. Is this cheating the kid, cheating the dad, cheating yourself—and what, all for love? Is love enough? Dad is a word. The act of being a Dad encompasses more.
But, women have a right to choose. Cindy could have proceeded with that abortion without even telling Dean—or Bobby. She could have tucked the secret away in the furthest part of her brain. But she chose to continue the pregnancy. Then, to have a family. She, soley, had all this power. Power is scary sometimes. It makes or breaks us...power needs balance. Power can crush the soul. Pro-Life or Pro-Choice: Where Do You Stand?
Blue Valentine was intense. See it.