My Single Mom Behavior Has Been Revealed To My Mom
February 23, 2012
I love my Mom. She came up from the shore to help me since I was sick with Strep—Yay, I'm better! Z-packs rule! She is staying until Sunday, because I have a Bachelorette Party on Saturday night and she admittedly loves being here with JD—and me. But, well, I’m not used to living with my Mom—or anyone other than JD. Here are some things that I’m laughing about, re: MOM. Oh, Mom!
1. While JD’s in the tub I sit on the (closed) toilet seat and remove my eye makeup with a baby wipe. “What are you doing?” says my Mom. What!? They are such multi-taskers! I wipe my entire face. Stop, it's fine. Try it!
2. I pull on JD’s accordion elephant toy that plays music five times or more, even when he’s sleeping. “He’s sleeping. You’re going to wake him up,” says my Mom. Um, no. Been doing this for four years.
3. I listen to Adele in my office, while I blog, check emails or just surf the net after JD is down. My Mom calls this sad music. “Why are you listening to sad music?” I'm feeling my feelings, Mom.
4.I admittedly live out of the dryer sometimes. “There’s like 20 pairs of clean 4T undies in the dryer, Ma!” ... "I'm not sure if the dishwasher is clean. Just, like, check."
5. I iron while dressed. Picture me in a skirt. Skirt on ironing board. JD running around half-dressed, saying "You're dead! I'm Super Jack!" “You’re going to burn yourself!” says Mom. No. I'm a pro.
6. I bring raw veggies, fruit and a Greek Yogurt for lunch. “Is that all you’re eating for the day?” says Mom. No. I’ll have 3 coffees too. (I have no time to eat at work!)
7. I make JD get me things: My glasses, my water, my magazine. What!? He enjoys helping. We also play fetch. It’s fine. He needs exercise.
8. Sometimes my living room looks like the perfect storm of teeny blocks (that stab your feet) cars and superhero figures. Why clean them up every time? JD is just going to make it rain toys tomorrow. My condo is clean. JD’s crap is just everywhere.
9. The ultimate comment: "You eat an obscene amount of salad." What does that even mean? I do eat a lot of salad. I like salad. I have special salad scissors. This is her way of saying, "You're too damn thin!" #ThingsItalianMothersSay (I'm not btw.)
10. No, wait, LOL, the ultimate comment: Mom walks into bathroom while I pop birth control pill into my mouth (Yeah, it's all access, here). “Your’re on birth control?” (Innocent Q) JD runs past me with a line of toilet paper trailing him in PJ bottoms and no top. Ya think?
11. "When are you going to bed," says Mom. I'm a freelance writer. Translation: I'm a vampire in cute shoes.
My mom is awesome! She's my bestie and a great help! Love you, Mom!
Tell me about your glorious moms!