Single Mom Raising A Son Sans Dad
June 8, 2011
I’m probably going to get my butt kicked for saying this, but Carla Facciolo from Vh1’s Mob Wives said something that bothered me on one of the episodes I, yes, faithfully watched and thoroughly enjoyed (it’s fine). Her husband, Joey Ferragamo is in jail, so she is essentially a single mom. She has young twins (a boy and a girl) under 10 and they don’t know dad is in jail, because Carla chose to tell them he is away working. This isn’t what bothers me, alarmingly!
There was a scene where her son was acting like a rambunctious little boy. He was pestering her and then had a meltdown (we’ve all been there). She remarked to her girlfriends, dubbed mob wives, that he needs his dad to wrestle and play with him so he can get all of this energy out.
You all no JD’s dad plays 0 physical role in his life and if you’ve been reading my blog for the past 4 years you pretty much know I’m a “girly-girl.” I don’t want to start assigning activities, games, colors, what have you, to genders, but I do believe that JD is a total boy’s boy. He wears a super-hero cape often, he bug-hunts and picks up worms, he jumps in puddles, gets dirt under his nails, loves sports, watching Monster Jam on T.V., sleeps with cars under his pillow, sometimes pees on trees…—you get the point. (Now, I’m not saying little girls can’t do these things, well maybe they can’t and shouldn’t pee on trees.) What I’m saying is I make people kill bugs for me, I prefer to walk around puddles, my nails are manicured and clean at all times, I’d rather go to the ballet, than a Yankee game and watch SATC reruns as opposed to Monster Jam.
None of this matters.
I’m raising a boy alone.
We bug hunt together. I get dirt under my nails (and then wash them). I jump in puddles, throw the football around and watch Monster Jam with a big bowl of popcorn between us.
I mentioned JD loves cars. I don’t love cars. I drive a car—or a Jeep, rather. It takes me from point A to B. I like that it’s white with tan interior and has free satellite radio for a year. Get it? I think the color is pretty and I like listening to 80’s on 8.
I’m not a car person.
But JD is. He has too many Matchbox cars to count and gets excited over car commercials.
I’ve watched Disney’s Cars a million times. I’ve read all of the books. I eat the car-shaped pretzels. June 24th is starred on our calendar as “Cars 2 Day!” So, the other night my dad, his girlfriend and I took JD to a car show. Do I like car shows? Not really. Did I want to walk around a parking lot looking at old cars in ninety-degree weather while men (some quite attractive, btw) sat in lawn chairs proud as hell? Eh.
Maybe if JD’s dad was around, he’d just take him to the car show and I’d get a pedicure. But here’s the thing, my Dad could have taken JD sans me. But, I like doing these things with my son, even though I don’t love cars. It’s about my son who I LOVE. I have a blast with my little dude -- and he calls me his "dudette!" I've also found ways to combine both of our loves (mine, art - his, cars). Up next, we're headed to the Montclair Museum of Art to see the Warhol Cars: American Icon exhibit. And then to Red Mango for Fro Yo. YUM!
My advice to Carla (who I respect and feel for) and other single moms waiting for some guy to come around (or bio-dad to show up) and throw a football, or wrestle with your son…stop waiting and go have fun. Get dirty. Be a mom and dad -- it's your job -- it's fun, too. These are the days we'll remember...
Single moms do you get rough and tough with boys? What about you single dads raising little girls?
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