When a Single Mom Wants Another Child
December 2, 2010
As a single mom, people are always asking me if I’m dating anyone, seeing anyone special, on Match.com, yadda-yadda-yadda. I’ll be honest with you, it’s not the only thing I think about when it comes to the notion of, squeeeee, happily-ever-after. Me? I think about baby no. 2.
When I was pregnant, my friend Erin over at Parenting Post was pregnant, too. In fact, Alex was born just a few days after JD. We were, give or take a year, the same age, both writing blogs for glamour.com and both living in NYC. Years later we both have three-year-olds (and now write for parenting.com), but Erin also has Nora who will turn one in January. In fact, a lot of friends who were pregnant when I was, have welcomed baby no. 2 and are even expecting baby no. 3. Some of my best girlfriends who I went to high school with are now all married with kids, or pregnant with their first.
I wonder about having another child often. JD would make a stellar big brother. In fact, his teacher told me the class was discussing brothers and sisters at circle time and when it was JD’s turn, he told the class, he has a “Baby Rocco!” My best friend, Liss, who lives in our building, has a six-month-old son, Rocco, who JD adores and tries so hard to play cars with. “You wanna play cars with me a little bit?” he says to baby Rocco who recently learned to creep and is about to crawl, so yeah, not ready to play cars.
Truth: I don’t want to have a second child alone. I respect choice moms, incredibly, but I don’t want to go to a sperm bank and hope for the best. Actress Bridget Moynahan, who was pregnant and single when I was (she had her son one week before JD arrived) told Self magazine: “While I’d love to have more children, I’m not sure I want another on my own. One is portable; two are not.”
I agree with her, completely. I’m not sure I could handle JD and a baby on my own. Just this morning I was rushing to get out of the house and JD was refusing to eat his breakfast. I couldn’t find my checkbook and needed to hand in JD’s school tuition today, but I wasn’t looking for it, I was making toast for JD to eat in the car on the way to school. I needed spare hands this morning. There were none. Imagine, can’t-find-checkbook-JD-won’t-eat-cereal-newborn-has-poo-leaking-out-of-diaper-late-for-work.
So, two kids? I just don’t know, but I do know I am a little sad about it. I love JD. I am blessed and fortunate. There are no buts or regrets. Though, sometimes I catch myself daydreaming about new additions. A man. A baby. A house. A yard. A dog. It makes me smile, just as much as JD makes me smile (he made me smile HUGE today when he gobbled up his toast in the car.)
Rebecca Walker has a new essay in Real Simple called My One and Only. She wanted another child (her one and only is 5), but her partner wasn’t on board. Walker comes to terms with this and writes beautifully: “I decided to give my dream child up. I imagined saying good-bye to her (or him), as though I was putting the baby up for adoption. I pictured the new parents arriving at the hospital, watched them park the car and walk, excitedly, up to the revolving door. I couldn’t run to her and take her home myself.”
I’m not ready to give up on baby no. 2. Nope.
Are you a single parent with one child and want another, but feel like this is probably not going to happen? Are you a single parent with one child, who had another via choice motherhood or the traditional route of finding a partner and making a baby? Please share.