Kids Named Adolf or Blue Ivy Destined for Life of Misery

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In random education news, a new study by the journal Social Pschological and Personality Science reports that the name you gave your child could lead to a life of misery! Specifically a poor education, low self-esteem, and condemnation to loneliness. And, they might become smokers. 

 

Which means, if you named your kid after your favorite liquor or or dog, start saving for therapy now. You've ruined the child's life.

 

‘‘I have a horrible, horrible name . .  .

 

this name has been holding me back my entire life.

 

It’s probably why kids picked on me in school

 

and why I never do well with women.’’ – Chandler Bing, Friends

 

The German media calls the practice of name-stereotyping “Kevinism.” (Guess they don't like Kevins much?) 

 

So, because I love you, and want to help, I’ve taken it upon myself to make a list of the ten worst baby names. If you see your child’s name here, and you don’t want to screw her up for life, go immediately to the courthouse and change her name. 

 

The Ten Worst Kid Names Ever 

Girls

Barbie

Jezebel

Regina

Placenta

Raia Sunshine

 

Boys

Adolf

Elvis

Google

Huckleberry

Lucifer

 

Any other names to add to the list?

P.S. There’s an entire website devoted to stupid kid names. Better check there, too - just to be safe.

P.P.S. You're welcome.

P.P.P.S. Well, maybe not Blue Ivy.