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Facebook statuses I didn’t post

Erin Zammett Ruddy

How many times have you drafted an update about your kids in your head but never actually sat down at your computer to type it? How many times have you typed an update—something cute or funny or gross involving your kid— but then deleted it before hitting post?

 

I’ve become so brainwashed by facebook that I pretty much always have a steady stream of updates flowing through my head so I definitely have to edit myself. But sometimes I wish there was a place to store those not-good-enough-for-prime-time thoughts. An overflow folder that we could visit from time to time and laugh. Or cringe. I’m sure Mark Zuckerberg is working on an outtakes page as we speak. In the meantime, let’s share our D-list thoughts here! I’ll go first. Here are some recent updates I thought about posting—but didn’t:

 

“Alex said he wants to grow up to be an Indian or a professional baseball player. Seems like a win-win to me.”

 

“Nora just offered her baby doll a cocktail. Ack!”

 

“After four and a half years, Alex has officially had his first experience with puking. Lucky for me, it happened in the back of Nick’s car so he had to deal with the car cleanup. Lucky for Nick, he had a meeting to get to so I had to deal with the kid clean up.”

 

“Nora told me she had to pee for the fourth time in an hour and I told her to just go in her pull up. Is it bad that I kind of wish she wasn’t so interersted in potty training?”

 

“Alex was talking in his room after I put him to bed so I went in to ask what was up and he said “I’m just singing, ‘I’m sexy and I know it’ mom, you can leave.”

 

“Would it be bad if I threw out Alex’s puke-covered coat instead of washing it? Please say no. I’m dry-heaving here.”

 

“Why are so many of the people who work in doctor’s offices such you-know-what-holes?!”

 

“OMG, I forgot how much how I can’t stand Dora and Diego’s voices. And that $&^!@ map!”

 

“If the babysitter cancels on us tonight I might die. This is not an exaggeration. Death by babysitter cancellation.”

 

OK, your turn. What’s something you thought about posting recently but didn’t. Please share! And why did you edit yourself? For me it’s about several things. A. Not having time to get to my computer to post the things I think are interesting. B. By the time I get to my computer, realizing that what I wanted to say was, in fact, not very interesting. C. Not wanting to annoy people with too many OMG-my-kid-is-so-cute stories. D. Not being a fan of kids’-bodily-functions posts on FB (despite being a fan of talking about kids’ bodily functions in person). 

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