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Facebook for Kids

While I had Mommy/Baby swim class with Wanda today, Laylee and Magoo played at the child care facility at the gym.  As we were driving away from the building, Magoo lamented, “Oh no.  I was playing with these guys and I didn’t even get their names so now I can’t invite them to my birthday party.”

His birthday is not for several months and he wouldn’t really invite them to his party even if he had learned their names, social security numbers and full contact information.  “Inviting them to my birthday party,” is his way of giving them a thumbs up, a small nod of approval.  It has nothing to do with birthdays or parties. 

It got me thinking about Facebook and all the friends we collect on there.  You accept a friend request from someone, not because you necessarily want to be their friend or even acknowledge friendship but because you know them and you approve of them and maybe you’d like to keep tabs on them.  Sometimes you do it so that you won’t hurt their feelings.

If Facebook were designed by little kids, you’d send somebody a “Birthday Party Invitation” instead of a friend request.  Instead of unfriending them when you got into a spat, you’d send them a, “You Can’t Come To My Birthday Party Anymore,” announcement.

Instead of liking or unliking someone’s status, you’d have the option to click “Cool” or “Meltdown.”

I think the statuses would be pretty much the same but instead of putting statuses about the cute things their kids just said, they, the kids, would just type something cute that they had just said or done.

LMAO would become LMDO (Laughing my Diaper Off) or LMPO for those who had graduated to pull-ups and my kids at least would simply type WT because they have no idea what comes after “What The-?”

Instead of Mafia Wars or Farmville, they would play games relating to Bakugans or Fairies.
Facebook would have many colors and everything would be animated.

Instead of throwing flowers and presents at someone, you would throw boogers, pacifiers, Happy Meals and ponies.

If my kids ruled Facebook, it would be full of choking hazards and poison because choking hazards and poison are the best things ever.  Wanda can crawl into a completely empty sterile rubber room and she will find a way to choke on something, even if it’s her own spit or a pocket of air.  I’m sure she could populate Facebook with choking hazards somehow.  The technology’s out there, just waiting to be discovered.

You'd be able to "poke" people on Facebook for Kids but only if they were in the middle of an important phone conversation.

At age seven, Laylee’s already asking for a Facebook account even though I’m pretty sure she has no idea what it is and to that, I say, “We’ll wait for the kid version to come out, the version where the only people you can ‘invite to your birthday party’ live in this house.”

What specs would you expect to see in the junior version of Facebook?

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