As you guys know I’m not a fan of motherhood clichés. I hate that people assume moms are all exhausted, overwhelmed, stressed-out, paste-covered shells of their former selves. For me that just isn’t the case—95 percent of the time. That other 5 percent? Well, let’s just say it ain’t pretty. I have a recent example that perfectly illustrates how some of this front-lines-of-motherhood stuff we hear about is just unavoidable. No matter how perfect/prepared/delusional you try to be, these kids sometimes get the better of us. Warning: This is pretty embarrassing for me, so I fully expect you guys to share some of your own doozies!
One morning while we were down in Florida, Nora followed me into the bathroom (because she was my shadow for the entire 10-day vacation). Just as I started to pee, she opened a drawer and pulled out sunscreen and tampons and…a razor. “Nora, no no no,” I pleaded. Then she brought the razor to her mouth and I screamed and lunged off the toilet to reach her and, well, I peed on the floor. As I stood there, pants down, razor in one hand, Nora’s arm in my other holding her back from making an even bigger mess, I thought, really? This is my life? This is my vacation? Then I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and laughed out loud. What else could I do? It was too early to start drinking :)
Let me just say, thank God I already have a man because I’m pretty sure if I were dating and some guy googled me and saw this post, he might not call me again. But this is life, right? Sometimes, just as those people I can’t stand like to say, motherhood is hard. Sometimes it’s messy. Sometimes a little pee gets on the floor and, sometimes, that pee doesn’t belong to a kid. I don’t think these moments define me as a mother, but they are all part of the experience so why not embrace them? (Of course embracing is easy to do now, two weeks later from the kidless comfort of my office).
OK, your turn, please! Don’t make me be the only one who’s had a hot-mess mom moment. What’s yours? And for more of my embarrassing mom confessions, check out 10 Things I Do As a Mom That I’m Not Entirely Proud Of.