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The Never-Ending Cold of Doom

Kathryn Thompson

Most colds come and go and you can move on with your life, but some colds, Never-Ending Colds of Doom come and die down a bit and then come harder.  These colds are fun because you eventually need to leave the house and when you do, people glare at you.  They don’t want your germs but you don’t want your solitary confinement.  And so, you are at an impasse. 

Wanda’s been rocking her current cold for three weeks and it’s starting to morph into a lifestyle.  She has a boogie nose and a cough and a boogie upper lip and pretty much an entire face covered in boogies.  I wipe her nose all day long until about four in the afternoon when I know Dan will be home soon and I want to save some boogie wiping for him.  Because I love him so much.

Truth be told, it’s possible that it’s not the same cold, but rather multiple colds contracted one after the other after the other.  It does change from day to day so maybe it’s eight or ten different viruses.  She is very efficient at injecting all germs directly into her nasal cavity.  She rubs her chub-covered little phalanges over every surface she can find, the grimier the better, and then jams them as far up her nose as possible.  Sometimes I think she reaches all the way up to her brain.  Her reach is truly incredible.

The other day we were out and about when a nice woman leaned over to her and said very seriously, “Oh, no!  Nice little girls don’t put their fingers up their noses.”  Wanda gave her the crustiest look and jammed it up even further, as if to say, “I’m twenty months old, I don’t understand a word that’s coming out of your mouth, and, P.S., it feels good up there.”

There have been a couple of scary nights, nights when she was coughing hard and I was re-reading the email from the elementary school about the recent pertussis outbreak.  The cough sounded bad but I never felt like it was “pertuss-ish,” and then she woke up feeling better.

Most of the time, the Never-Ending Cold of Doom is more annoying than scary.  I just want to find a way to kick it to the curb.  Now, in the realm of childhood maladies, a long lasting cold is really no big deal.  I need to get a t-shirt for her that says, “It’s been running for three weeks.  We can’t stay home anymore.”

The comments are open so please feel free to tell me to stop feeding her dairy, gluten, sugar, and food.  Give me three more weeks and I might consider it.

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