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It's a surprise WHENEVER you find out!

I hate it when people say that. Really? I KNOW THAT. What I want to know is: what will be a BETTER surprise? To find out now or find out then?

You know what I'm talking about, right? I just scheduled The Big Ultrasound and everyone's asking us if we're going to find out the sex of the baby. Actually, nearly everyone just assumes we're going to find out. Most people do, after all. So they say something like, "You better let me know!" or "Soon you'll know how to decorate!"

But way way back before Third Baby was even discussed, I thought it might be nice to NOT find out. We have a boy, we have a girl, we have all the appropriate clothes and decor. I even have enough cloth diapers in the "right" colors. We don't need anything this time around. 

Not only that, I honestly do not care what kind of baby exits my nether regions. This was not true of the first two babies. For the first baby I hoped for a girl, but certainly was not disappointed with a boy. For the second baby I very much hoped for a girl, and was afraid of being disappointed if it was a boy. And can you imagine being disappointed in the delivery room? People are going to think I'm just awful for even saying that, but I didn't KNOW! I wanted a girl so badly (which is a horrible thing to begin with, I KNOW) and then what if it WASN'T a girl and what if, being the less-than-fully-evolved person I am, what if I was BUMMED OUT? You have no idea how much I stressed out about this possibility. I wanted to avoid the potential for Horrible Excuse For A Mother at all costs. So you bet we found out the second time. I would need time to adjust, prepare, get excited about two boys. But then our Mollymoo batted her eyelashes on the ultrasound screen and YAY I had my girl. 

So yeah, this time: eh! Boy? Awesome! Girl? Fabulous! We'll be delighted either way, so let's try something different! Let's wait!

This was my stance until, oh, I scheduled The Big Ultrasound. And now I am conflicted. Because dude! I could find out NOW! 

The fact that everyone ELSE wants us to find out isn't helping things. I had talked Phillip into waiting, but I know he'd love to find out sooner. So there's that. Peer pressure. 

There's also the fact that we're in a super busy time in our lives, I've already got two little ones demanding things left and right, and I'm not exactly attached to Third Baby. I mean, I'm definitely excited about Third Baby and I'm one of those wackjobs who loved the newborn stage, and the kids are now fully aware that we are getting a New Baby. But I just don't feel connected and it's hard to really picture the baby. Of course I felt this way with the other two, but finding out they were a boy and a girl really helped me PICTURE things. And prepare and get excited and daydream. I'm not sure I will feel connected without knowing. 

So those of you who have gone before me: what did YOU do? Is the surprise way more surprisey when you give birth? Was it hard to let go of the idea of whatever kind of baby you didn't have? Have you done it both ways? Did people drive you crazy when you didn't find out? TELL ALL. I've got four weeks to obsess over this! 

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