It's official: Jack starts preschool on September 14. That's exactly 40 days. That's how long LENT lasts, people, and yet it seems like the first day of preschool is practically TOMORROW. I suppose time goes faster when you're not giving up chocolate and also worrying about sending your baby into the Big Crazy World.
Oh, do you think I'm being slightly ridiculous? I DON'T CARE! It took me forever and a day to decide to send him to preschool in the first place. Change is hard! Especially change that involves writing car payment-sized checks every month.
A few weeks ago I hit up the outlet malls with my sister-in-law, and while she was trying on cute jeans and little dresses, I was hunting down every pair of elastic waist 3T pants in the Carter's store. I was biting my nails in front of deeply discounted Stride Rites, trying to decide what size shoe Jack will be in the fall. I was holding up jackets with zip-out fleece liners, wondering how much rain is required to cancel outdoor recess in preschool.
Oh dear God, I thought to myself. I AM BACK TO SCHOOL SHOPPING.
I am not ready for this! And it all started with those stupid elastic waist pants. They're not the cutest, you know. I like the jeans with the snaps, or the carpenter style khakis with buttons. But in PRESCHOOL you must wear pants that you can pull up and down all by your little three-year-old self. That means elastic waists! And sweat pants! And fleece pants! And all sorts of decidedly less cute boy clothes, and let's face it, boy clothes are already not as fun to buy as girl clothes ANYWAY. But I don't want to be the mother of the kid who can't go potty by himself, am I right?
And then: shoes with velcro! He's already wearing those since I am Lazy with a capital L and laces are beyond my patience threshold. We also already have a backpack, purchased for summer airplane trips. I sure hope Thomas the Train is still in vogue when preschool starts. He won't be eating lunch at preschool, so I don't have to worry about a lunch box or a lunch tote or whatever the cool three-year-olds are packing their organic yogurts and Trader Joe's snacks in these days. Am I missing anything else? I think he's a little too young for Trapper Keepers and gel pens.
I don't know, you guys. This does not bode well for ACTUAL back to school shopping, I think. I used to love it when I was a kid. We lived overseas, but headed stateside every summer to visit family and hit up every big box store in existence for new clothes and school supplies. I want to be cooler than my mom, who always said no to the Right Jeans, and my husband's father, who cut off the little red fabric Levis tag on his new jean jacket, transforming it from "Cool" to "Generic" with one snip.
And yet, it's PRESCHOOL. I think I need to sit down and have a nice restorative glass of liquid Xanax. Any advice for the SAHM about to ship her pweshus wittle baby off to preschool? Any preschool teachers out there want to give me the lowdown? And don't worry, you have plenty of time (forty days!) to think about it. Aaaaand go!