I am a celebrity baby name factory

Every day, I receive a statistical breakdown of our website: what people are clicking on, how long they're on the site for, what search terms they're entering, etc. And without fail, day in and day out, "celebrity baby names" is one of the most visited pages. This is less about expectant parents finding inspiration or good ideas, and more about the macabre voyeuristic rush we get from hearing the screwy monikers that are dreamed up by the pretty people in our magic picture box (Moxie Crimefighter, Tu Morrow, Audio Science, Jermajesty, etc.). People simply cannot get enough of it. If you measure purely by clicks, our site's roundup of the 15 celebrity baby names we love is the greatest thing we've ever done. It's our Gettysburg Address, our polio vaccine.

This morning, I realized something amazing: my life is a celebrity baby name factory. It turns out that all I have to do is hang out with my family, and the celebrity baby names just start piling up. Here's proof: earlier today, I found myself reflecting on all the things I did with my wife and two boys this past weekend. Without really thinking about it, each moment and activity birthed a celebrity baby name. Like some sort of telepathic medium, I scribbed them all down in a flash. So here's what my Saturday was like, presented in celebrity baby names: 

Sixten Ehyem Risenshine

Jacquelette Milque

Yurin Wallsplatter

Sock Opendrawer

Leftshoe Rightfoot

Lick Shoppingcart

Dont Pleasestop

Frito Dorito Tostito, Jr.

Tripcry Allbetter

Sharpie Sofascribble

Bugjar Nightstand

Necktie Karatebelt

Flush Wipenwash

Reheatenson Leftoversmith

Deeveedee Skip

Undy Overjammy

Fort Pillowpile

Glowstick Chewleak

My guess is your life is a celebrity baby name factory as well. Feel free to share, but don't be surprised when it shows up on TMZ. 

Get tips on picking a great baby name - like Reheatenson Leftoversmith - in Shawn's new book Show Dad How.