We're on the home stretch. I pulled off another ring from the paper chain I made you... Or, made myself, counting down to your due date. I pulled off the number 30 and stared at 29 rings climbing up the wall. Wow... I will be meeting you in less than a month.
I remember thinking nine months seemed like a long time. Then I realized pregnancy was actually 10 months and felt like I was lied to, tricked. But pregnancy really hasn't been all that bad. Not at all actually. Sure, sometimes my feet swell the size of watermelon, and you jab me in my ribs, but that's nothing compared to what I thought it would be.
Maybe I'm one of the lucky ones. I didn't throw up much in the first trimester, only once actually and I think it was food poisoning. Then another time I got a stomach bug, but that could happen to anyone. And then once more I gave in to a ridiculous craving and ate a McDonald's fish sandwich followed by celery, peanut butter and raisins... We call it ants on a log. BAD combination. It didn't stay down long.
But other than those flukes of sickness I've felt great. I've enjoyed watching you grow in my belly, and preparing for you, and I can honestly say time has flown by.
Now I once again find myself asking critical questions I challenged myself with before: How am I going to be the best mother I can be? Am I ready for this?
But instead of contemplating pregnancy I'm on a one way street to becoming a mom!
It's still hard to believe sometimes. I can't believe I'm a mom. You're my daughter, and we're going to be in each other's lives forever.
I feel like I've read so many books and articles, talked with so many other women but there's really nothing I can do to fully understand what I'm about to embark on.
I think about you all of the time. It's weird feeling you move, feeling you with the hiccups, knowing you hear my voice when I sing or read to you, but not knowing that you look like.
I know you're your daddy's daughter too but sometimes I secretly feel like you're all mine. He's just along for the ride but you and me... We've got a special thing going. I think that will change once we both meet you in person. I think once he holds you it'll sink in for him, and for myself, I'll see he loves you as much as I do.
I hope to be a good mother to you. I've been around so many other children but it's hard to imagine what it'll be like having you here with us all of the time.
I know there will be tough times. I can't picture what the bad times will be like right now but I think it's a little unrealistic to think there won't ever be any. But I do know that we'll make it through those tough times, and I want you to know that I'm always trying my best. I want to be a good mother and I'll try my hardest to do what's right for you.
I love you baby girl. We haven't met yet, but we're so close! Keep growing for mommy and we'll meet in just a few weeks!
Visit Jennifer's personal blog BabyMakinMachine.com.