I'm crossing everything and knocking every wooden surface I can find as I type this, but a few days ago my offer on a new place was accepted! Lawyers still need to look over the lease (until we sign, it can still be shown...and stolen!) thus my anti-jinx measures, but I'm super hopeful it's going to work out. SOMETHING has to for once, right?? Will you cross your fingers, too? I might have to go light a candle at the church across the street.
The process of looking, which I jammed into a couple of weeks, was bittersweet. It was exciting, but also a little nauseating. Even though I'm so ready to get out of the house of what-should-have-been, I've found myself sadder than I expected to be. After the first day of looking, I came home, sat in my sunny living room and cried my eyes out. All the places were tiny and cramped and seemed more appropriate for college kids than my little family. I couldn't imagine moving my daughter to any of them. I expected to feel the tingly excitement of leaping forward. Instead, I felt the dread of falling back.
I know In the grand scheme, this is all extremely small, even petty, thinking. Especially in the wake of so many true tragedies where hundreds, even thousands, of people have lost their homes and their loved ones for no reason other than they happen live in a tornado belt or on a flood plain or fault line. So since I actually found a place I can feel pretty darn good about it (no, it doesn't have everything I'd hoped for, but it's as close as I think I'll get right now), I'm doing everything I can to redirect my brain to the positives (it's takes effort!). Among them: We can walk to town in two minutes! There are actual restaurants...with good food! There's an insane homemade ice cream place we'll live at all summer! We have a beach! The schools are insane! We have a porch big enough to sit on!
That's the fun stuff. But there's another really great and important part: Finally, we can live outside the shadow of the supposed-to-be's and remember-when's. And, that, is what will make everything ok in the end. xo, Evie
PS: Tell me: Have you moved with your kids after a separation or divorce? What were the hardest and best parts?