Tension tames (a little)
June 20, 2011
My STBX and I seem to be entering into a new dynamic...or maybe it's just a natural re-balancing after the horror of the last couple of months (lawsuit threat, return to mediation, serious stress-induced illness). Whatever it is, I'm grateful for it and hope it lasts. For the most part, we're talking like normal humans without the usual undercurrent of disgust. We've just about figured out the summer plan for Miss Monkey without one meltdown on either part, which alone is a feat. We still have some big stuff to figure out, though, regarding how things will change after the move—like when, where, and how he'll see our daughter. Yep, pretty big. It's really just an interim plan until he moves somewhere close-ish to us, but it's going to be a tough one to get through without someone resorting to button-pushing. (I may have agreed to his condition to stay in-state, but I know he's not thrilled with where I chose to live.) I'm not sure exactly when I'll bring it up for formal discussion...we've only alluded to the fact that we have to work something new out...but my goal is to approach it with the same matter-of-factness as the camp talk. No emotion. No reaction to potentially snide remarks. Just 100% focus on the logistics. At the same time, I just hope the good karma of late sticks around a while.
There is one thing I'm still really torn about: His sister is getting married in September, and I'm invited. MIss Monkey is flower girl. In fact, I helped throw her a shower. But precisely because of the horror of the last two months...and the fact his family supposedly supported him 100% in his plan to sue me if I didn't agree to his condition...I feel like the line has finally been drawn. I've remained in pretty regular touch with my SIL and MIL throughout the separation and they've repeatedly assured me that I'm still part of the family and always will be. Which has been wonderful. But after learning that they were willing to help my STBX sue me, if necessary, I'm having a hell of a time reconciling the two realities. And as a result, I'm having a hell of a time deciding if I'm still going to attend. It would be huge wall to throw up, and it would give me the firm boundaries I've been craving. And yet...a part of me feels like by not going, I'm being petty and unfair and hurtful and that I should just go and have it be the last big family event. So tell me: What do you think is the right way to go? How have you dealt with the in-law events? I need some perspective! xo, Evie