June 10, 2011
1. Thanks so much for the wise words of advice after my last post. I know I'm not the only one going through this for the first time ever, but it always helps to be reminded that other moms have been there, too, and survived! The last few nights with Miss Monkey have continued to be trying. She still has so much trouble with the transition from Daddy time to Mommy time (on Wednesday, she literally slept with a picture of her father!). But I have managed to keep it together despites several "I hate you's" and "Everything with you is sooooo boring's". (Nice, huh?!) So last night, when her demeanor changed in a flash the second her dad left, I decided to give her wide berth. She didn't wouldn't snuggle on the couch. She listened to her stories from inside her little tent instead of in bed with me. I didn't react at all, and this time, the mean words didn't come. When it was time to turn out the light, she said she wanted to sleep in her tent but that I should stay in her room till she falls asleep (alas, we do this every night...still). And then about 7 minutes later, she came out and curled up right beside me. I held her close and she was out five minutes later. I nearly cried with relief.
2. I signed my lease!! I sent the deposit!! In almost exactly one month, we'll be living somewhere new. Oddly enough, the move comes exactly two years after the night my marriage officially fell apart (officially, because obviously it'd been in pieces long before). Seems like 10.
3. My relationship with P is still blowing my mind a little. It's been six months, but I feel like I've known him much, much longer. In so many ways, I feel like the connection we have is already iron-clad. Which I know probably seems a little crazy and overly romantic and perhaps irrational at this relatively early date. But here's the thing: After living most of my life in denial over the true state of my relationship and marriage, I refuse to allow myself permission to do it again. So I've gone into this with my eyes wide open, constantly looking for any signs that I'm simply rebounding or getting swept away by the joy of having a boyfriend. I complete my searches often, and each time I find nothing...no red flags...no twinges of alarm. Instead, there's only the quiet confidence that we have something very good and very right. Which is very, very nice. xox, Evie