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The final meditation

We're done. We had our third and final session with the mediators yesterday, and except for a few tiny loose ends like sending in 401k statements and insurance info, the settlement will be drawn up in a couple of weeks. I assume we'll file with the court shortly thereafter. If all goes quickly, we'll be officially divorced before our 9th anniversary.

I decided to go with abandonment for the grounds. Your comments made a lot of sense to me, but also, it's simply the most true. He abandoned me every time he refused to invite me to parties with "his" friends. He abandoned me every time he refused to join me for brunches and dinners with mine. He abandoned me every time he told me to stop marking the weeks since we lost our baby and to stop thinking we could handle another. He abandoned me every time I tried to reach out to save what we were so clearly losing. His decision to actually leave our home and our family was practically beside the point.

As I've been thinking about these things over the last few weeks, I started to feel a new shift. Right before we began meeting with the mediators, I felt pretty strongly that I would have given our marriage another chance if my husband had some epiphany that he was making a mistake. Today, I'm on the other side of that line: It's too late. More and more, I can see him objectively, and he is not the person I loved. And even though I don't feel much different, I'm quite sure I'm not the person he loved either.  I still wish we had found a way to grow together instead of apart. I still wish we had become the family I always imagined we'd be. What's different now is that I know in my bones that I'm on the right path even though it's taking me somewhere I never wanted to go. xo, Evie

 

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