December 15, 2009
For the last three nights, our daughter has screamed, cried, and yelled for you. She has begged for you. She wants nothing to do with me. No, for me she has only "I don't want you," "I want Daddy," "I don't like you," "Don't talk to me," "I want to stay in the apartment. I don't want to stay with you," and "I don't want you to come at night. You stay at work."
Tonight her tantrum of despair lasted nearly two hours during which she not only sobbed but I did, too. I begged her to stop, please stop asking for Daddy. I yelled at her. I ignored her. I told her, no, Daddy won't be coming to get you and no, you can't go stay at the apartment again.
I know she's only 3. I know the last three weeks have been awful for me at work and I've missed more bedtimes than I ever have. And I have been so grateful that you have been so accommodating and could be there for her. But at the same time I can't stand you right now. I can't stand that you've chosen to walk away from our family without even trying. I can't stand that our daughter is being forced to experience something no child ever shouid have to. And most of all, I can't believe you gave up on me. I've loved you unconditionally and never once imagined you wouldn't do the same.
I don't deserve this. And I think I'm finally beginning to realize that you don't deserve me.