If you were a fly on my parenting wall, this is what you’d hear—a lot. The kicker: These are all things I don’t think I should have to say. Which makes it that much more annoying when I hear them flying out of my mouth 87 times a day. Perhaps if I say them a few thousand times more I can stop repeating myself again and again and again. Until then, here goes:
Alex, you have to flush the toilet after you pee.
Nora, don’t flush the toilet until you pee.
Please don’t use that word.
Or that word. C’mon, guys.
Please stop whining.
Please stop crying.
Put down my phone.
Put down Daddy’s phone.
Just take a bite.
I shouldn’t have to feed you.
Don’t say no to me.
No one wants to see your butt, Nora.
Or your giney. Please, Nora.
Alex, don’t laugh, it’s not funny.
Please don’t make me count to three.
Why is there water on the floor?
Why is there milk on the floor?
Get off my feet, please.
OMG, are you seriously stepping on my feet again?
Do not roll down the window without asking, Alex.
Keep your hands in the car, Alex.
Do you hear me saying your name?!
How do you ask?
Now try it without whining.
What do you say?
Did you just kick her?
Hands! To! Your! Self!
Nora, that didn’t even hurt, relax.
Say excuse me.
Say thank you.
Give it back to her.
Give it back to him.
Give it to me.
Use a fork!
Why are you getting up from the table?
Did you ask to be excused?
Watch your milk!
Can I have a little privacy?
No, you can’t wipe me.
No, it’s not dark outside.
Yes, it’s really bedtime.
I love you.
OK, so what's coming out of your mouth a little too often these days? Let's hear it. Oh, and of course I don't mind saying I love you to my kids, but by the 18th time I repeat it as I'm trying to leave their rooms at night, it does lose a little of its luster.