As I mentioned in my initial “yep, I’m pregnant!” post, we’re planning to the find out the sex of our third baby-to-be. In fact, we can learn the gender whenever we want but we haven’t yet.
We found out the sex with our first two kids (at the 20-week anatomy scan) and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. As I always say, having a human come out of your vagina is a big enough surprise for me. Not knowing what day that human might decide to show up or how long he/she will take come out? Also a big surprise.
So wrapping my head around something as major as gender ahead of time calms my holy-crap-I’m-having-a-baby anxiety. But mostly I just think it’s really fun and useful (I’m type A all the way) to plan and get excited and fantasize about my future little man or little girl. And this time Nick is desperate to find out. As is everyone else in our family.
I had one of the new chromosome blood tests done at 10 weeks and they were able to determine whether there’s a Y chromosome present. When the geneticist called with the results (all fine), she asked if we wanted to know the sex. I told her not yet.
When I saw my doctor a few days later I had him write down the gender on a piece of paper and seal it in an envelope. And that envelope has been in my desk drawer ever since. I’m not really sure why I’m putting it off, but I swear I forgot the thing was even there.
Maybe it’s because the whole we’re-having-a-third-kid thing doesn’t even feel real yet. Nor does the pregnancy. I haven’t felt too sick (thanks to an abundance of Goldfish on hand at all times) and I’m just starting to get an “I-ate-too-many-bagels” gut. I’m not even in maternity clothes yet, though I probably should be. And I’m so busy with my other two and with life that the big reveal just hasn’t really plagued me in the way it seems to be plaguing my sisters and mother who text, call and email me daily to ask when I might tell them who will be joining our family this fall.
There’s also a delayed gratification thing going on—I like being able to anticipate finding out and once we do, that carrot is gone.
But this is perhaps the clincher: It just doesn’t matter to me what we’re having. It goes without saying that all I’ve ever wanted with any pregnancy is to have a healthy baby. Period. And, yes, I already have one of each, which really makes this third gender a moot point. As Alex said last night when we asked him what he wanted: “I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, I just want a baby and I want it to be awesome and happy and cool and funny. And a little crazy because I’m a little crazy.” I’ll take it!
Still, I have a few reasons to pull for a boy—and a few to pull for a girl. And before we find out, which will be very soon, I want to share them with you to get your thoughts on gender preference. Here goes:
7 reasons I want a girl:
1. My sister, Meghan, had a baby girl six weeks ago and if I have a girl, they will be cousin BFFS. They’ll be seven months apart, live four minutes from each other and go to the same school in the same grade. How fun would that be?
2. I have two sisters who are my best friends and I can’t imagine my life without them. There is nothing like having a sister and I think Nora would really benefit from that experience. Also, they’ll be less than four years apart whereas if Al gets a brother, they’ll be six years apart.
3. It seems like girls are the ones who stay close to home when they grow up (boys often move to wherever their wives are from—at least this is very much the case with most of my family and friends). Something tells me Nora might bolt so having one more chance that we get some good family lovin and grandkid time in our golden years sounds good to me.
4. I feel like all the diseases and ailments I read about that can affect kids are less likely to affect girls.
5. At least in my house, girls are much neater than boys and better at finding stuff. Nora actually picks up after herself and seems to enjoy putting toys away. And if I send Alex to find, say, his shin guards and he can’t, Nora will always go looking and unearth them in a matter of seconds. That's a useful skill to have around.
6. I think (I hope!) I will be a really good mom when it comes to raising girls because I am myself a girl – and a pretty strong one at that – and I feel like I have lots of good girl qualities and skills to pass on. Apart from hair brushing, obviously.
7. Nora and her sister could share a room—and clothes.
7 reasons I want a boy:
1. Boys require much less maintenance than girls both emotionally and physically. Having one of each I can confidently say that the boys Nick and I make are way easier than the girls. No long hair to brush, no lady parts to clean, they can pee outside (or in a bottle in the car) no tights, no moods, no drama—and I’m just talking about the early years. I can’t even imagine how much easier boys seem once girls get into the dreaded tween years.
2. Nora would have both an older and a younger brother to watch her back. She’s already a wild child at 3 so something tells me she’s gonna need it.
3. Nora would get to be the only girl in the family, which may temper the middle child syndrome a little, which I fear is already setting in. The night we told the kids I was pregnant, after some fanfare, she left the kitchen and went into the living room to do a puzzle. After a few minutes she shouted, “Ugh, are you guys still talking about the baby? That’s so annoyin!”
4. We haven’t had a boy in my extended family for a while. The last three kids born were Nora, Sofia and Emily. We could use some testosterone and a boy would feel extra special and be seriously doted on by the girls. Also, since I haven’t had to give them away, I have a ton of cute boy clothes left over from Alex. (Which reminds me: I find it much easier to dress a boy.)
5. I have a few boy names I really like, but thinking of girl names is so much more stressful for me.
6. Raising girls in this day and age scares the crap out of me. I feel like we got lucky with Nora because she’s tough as nails but still, a day doesn’t go by where I don’t read some headline about some shocking girl behavior (or victimization) and shudder.
7. In my experience, boys are so much sweeter and more lovable and squishy toward their mothers. Alex is a sweet, sweet boy. Nora loves me and hugs me and she is a lot of awesome things, but sweet just isn’t one of them.
OK, that’s my short list. As you can see, for every pro on one side, I can think of a pro on the other (ditto on the negatives). Really, it’s a win win. Now I guess I have to open that envelope, huh?
Did you find out the sex of your kids? When? Did you have a preference? If so, why? And remember, you can always find me over at my personal website, erinzammettruddy.com. I'll be updating the news on the big reveal over there later in the week!