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Facebook statuses I didn’t post

Erin Zammett Ruddy

Some of this stuff is too gross, some is too boring and some is just plain TMI. Here goes:

As anyone who’s facebook friends with me can attest, I’ve pretty much posted about nothing but my fundraising campaign for the past two months (it’s over next week and then I promise to shut up about it!). This has left very little space for my mom musings. But I also edit myself when it comes to this stuff because I don’t want to be annoying/one note/give topics away that I could blog about. I wrote a similar post back in February and we all had a lot of fun with it so this will probably be a recurring theme. Also it's a great outlet for the updates that are constantly being formed in my head (thanks, facebook, for being so pervasive that I now think in status updates). So, here are some thoughts I thought about sharing on facebook this week—but didn’t.

  

“Nora just told me she wants to have the following when she grows up: Money, a wallet, a big girl bed, a piggy bank and a penis.”

 

“Nope, not mom enough.”

 

“Overheard from my two year old at the breakfast table: ‘Look mom, there’s bird thit on the window.’"

 

“When Alex wishes on a star he often says, 'I wish we could do this day all over again tomorrow.' I always thought it was so cute and sweet and made me feel like a great mom. Then I recently caught a scene I hadn’t seen from Gnomeo and Juliet and realized that line is a direct quote from a pink flamingo in the movie. Nice.”

 

“Cougar crush: Harvard’s baseball team. Watch this.

 

“When I turn on my bedroom TV at night to catch up on, say, Phil Phillips, and it’s tuned in to Nick Jr. and I can’t find the clicker and Diego or Twist or Olivia are talking really loud in their high-pitched annoying voices, a feeling of panic sets in. When I finally find the clicker and then it doesn’t work, and the voices are getting louder and more annoying, rage sets in. Seriously, I become the Hulk.”  

 

“Reason #593 I hate eating dinner with my kids: In the span of our 10-minute meal tonight, they both had to poop. And they both requested me as the butt wiper. Also, spilled milk. Lots and lots of spilled milk." 

 

“Alex thinks that by talking slow and loud and in broken English (‘dad. work. office. mom. work. home.’) that he is communicating with his Spanish-speaking uncle. Actually, it seems to work.”

 

“It’s Rose season—cheers!” (I'm referring to the wine here, not the flowers but I can't figure out how to do an accent on the e in the blog)

 

“Worst realization of my adult life: I feel much better all day long when I don’t drink wine the night before. %@#Q(&#!”

 

“Doritos!!!!”

 

“My house is so dirty right now there is actually dirt in it. I picked up a piece of it in our bathroom. A piece of dirt.”

 

“Something about the nonstop rain and how it’s turning me into a hermit and how I don’t know how people in the Pacific northwest do it.” (Complaining about the weather on facebook is not my thing—probably because everyone else does plenty of it for me.)

 

“According to Alex’s Mother’s Day poem, I am 50 feet tall and weigh 30 pounds and my favorite food is salad. Sounds about right.”

 

“You know you love bagels when you overlook the fact that the bagel man, who looks like he recently wandered in from a homeless shelter, uses his not-gloved hand to handle your bagel and then coughs all over it. Yum!”

 

“I know this is an uncool confession, but I’m not a huge fan of mother’s day. It gives me anxiety in the same way that New Year’s Eve and July 4th do. Like if you don’t have good enough plans you feel somehow lame and un-American. Also it reminds me a little of Valentine's Day. That said, happy mother’s day, everyone!” 

 

OK, your turn. What's something you thought about posting on facebook this week then didn't? 

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