The Marriage No-No I Almost Committed
July 23, 2012
© Cousins Photography
OK, I realize the title of this post probably had you thinking something really awful but it's not that. It's this: Today is our seven-year wedding anniversary and Nick and I were clueless that it was approaching. And when I finally remembered, I almost didn't tell him.
On Friday, as I was looking over the calendar in my daily planner, my eye gravitated toward July 23—.such a familiar date, but why? It took me a second, then it hit me—our anniversary! Nick was at his desk a few feet from mine and there was a moment when I considered not sharing my revelation. Wouldn’t it be funny to see if it ever occurred to him on his own? I could get some serious mileage out of him forgetting our anniversary. I’d buy him a thoughtful gift and present it to him on the big day and he’d feel terrible about not having anything for me. It would be hilarious! Seriously, it sounds mean and twisted but I think it would be a great practical joke—and the kind of thing we’d both find funny. Though he’d undoubtedly be worried that I was only laughing on the outside. And the whole thing felt way too manipulative/unfair to me. I honestly wouldn’t be hurt that he forgot my anniversary. I practically forgot it. Life is crazy and dates are hard to remember. And we’re not big on gift giving anyway. We’re way more interested in spending time together celebrating whatever the occassion is. You know that quote that’s going around on facebook right now (I’m paraphrasing): “If you want to raise happy kids, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money.” Well, Nick and I pretty much apply that to our relationship. Except ours would go something like this: “If you want to have a happy marriage, spend twice as much time together and instead of spending money on material things, spend it on babysitters and experiences, particularly ones that involve really good food and wine.” Also, full disclosure: We are both really lazy about buying gifts for each other. When we see our friends getting and receiving really thoughtful things for/from each other, we cling to the above mantra. And it makes us feel better.
Bottom line: I knew I didn’t have it in me to throw the guy under the bus. So I threw him a bone:
“Hey babe, I’m just saying this because it occurred to me literally five seconds ago and there’s no pressure, it’s just an FYI, but Monday is our 7-year anniversary.”
His response: “Shit.”
My reply: “Dude, I know. We don’t have to do anything. Maybe just go out to dinner, right? It’s also a Monday, which is so lame. Is it just me or has my birthday also been on a Monday for like the past five years? Sucks.”
His response: “Yeah, I guess we should do dinner. Your call, I don’t care where. Oooh! Patagonia’s having a 50 percent off sale. Do the kids need anything?”
And that was that. Tonight we will go out to dinner, though I haven’t called a sitter yet or made a reservation anywhere. And after a wild weekend of bridal showers and birthday parties and general summer insanity, I could really go for a night off from eating and drinking. But I'll push through for the cause. I do wish we could flip through our wedding album with the kids but, alas, we still haven’t created one. And we have such awesome pictures, which makes me feel even more guilty. It is on my to-do list though so perhaps by our 8th anniversary we'll have proof that we actually did get married. Maybe we'll watch our wedding DVD with them, which I’m not sure we've ever watched ourselves. To be honest one of the only reasons I want to make a biggish deal out of the day is for the kids. So they see how special it is that their parents are married and in love and happy and blah, blah, blah. Nick and I celebrate our relationship pretty much every day (you guys know how I feel about date nights) so believe me, we’re not deprived. And I’m saving up for our 10-year, when we will be going all out (I hope). Off the top of my head I’m thinking we get back to Hawaii, where we went on our honeymoon, and rent one of the gorgeous condos on the bluffs next to The Four Seasons in Maui and bring the kids and a babysitter and stay for two weeks. Perhaps the nine years of no gifts will help soften the financial blow on that one. A girl can dream, right?
So, how do you celebrate your anniversaries? Has either of you ever forgotten?
Hooray, we're married!