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The Worst Thing To Come Out of My Two-Year-Old’s Mouth Yet

Erin Zammett Ruddy

We all know that Nora has a potty mouth and has dropped more F bombs in her short lifetime than some adults. I’m not proud of this but I’m also certain it will pass. I promise I won’t enroll her in kindergarten until she cleans up her act—I don’t want to be the mom whose kid poisons the well. But there’s something else she’s been saying lately that’s far more troubling and, perhaps, here for the long haul. I don’t know where she got this from and I don’t like it. Here, her recent offenses (picture her saying these things with attitude, eyeroll and one arm bent at the elbow with an open palm facing upward):

“I have to peeuhhhhh”

“I want mommy to put me to beduhhhhhhh”

“Where’s my wateruhhhhh?”

“I don’t want to go to beduhhhhhhhh”

“That’s my toyuhhhhhhhhhh”

“I want mommy to wipe meuhhhhh”

“Momuhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”

“Why is the moon out in the dayuhhhh?”

“Nouhhhhhh”

“Yesuhhhhhhhhh”

“Pleaseuhhhhhhh”

“Why can’t I go to the Gonzo'suhhhhhhhh?"

"Mom, I have to poopuhhhhhh"

I thought girls didn’t do this diva/valley girl thing until at least junior high. Mostly she does it in the form of a whine, but sometimes—like the moon question—she just does it because she likes the way it sounds. Which is most frightening. She's already trying to sound...cool. Why does she do this? Where did she learn it? How can I stop it? Help!

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