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What J.Lo and I now have in common

Erin Zammett Ruddy

On Saturday morning I took Nora to swim class. Nick is supposed to be the weekend swim guy but he was sick, so I rolled out of bed, threw on the one bathing suit I own and headed to the Y. That’s where it happened—the most embarrassing mom moment I think I've ever had…

 

Let me back up and say that my one bathing suit is perfectly nice but not really swim-class appropriate (see photo). It’s certainly not a bikini but it isn’t exactly a Speedo, either. It’s a black one-piece halter that’s kind of low cut and ties behind my neck. Well, apparently it wasn’t tied tight enough because, yup, you guessed it, I had some slippage at swim class—a swim class that happens to be packed with dads. 

 

Here’s how it all went down (pun intended): At the end of the class we all got into a big circle in the middle of the pool to sing songs. We were doing “The Wheels On The Bus” and as I was lifting Nora up and down—“the windows on the bus go open and shut open and shut”—I noticed one of the hot dads staring at me. I honestly thought he might be checking out my arms because they’re pretty toned these days. Then I glanced down and saw that it was not my muscles that attracted his attention, but half of my right boob that had popped out of my suit. It was not just a hint of areola like J.Lo’s Oscar slip, it was full-on nipple. I wanted to drown myself right then and there.

 

The worst part is not that it happened, but that I don’t know when it happened. I could have been flashing the class since the wipers on the bus verse. Fortunately, my mom was next to me (she took my nephew Gregory) so I could share my mortification with her. I quietly whispered, “OMG,myeffingboobwasjust hangingoutofmybathingsuitIwanttodie” through my teeth all while continuing to sing and splash like nothing had happened. That seemed like the best way to play it. But something had very clearly happened. What’s worse: The next song we sang was motorboat. “Motorboat, motorboat, oh so slow…” Um, do you remember the “motorboat” conversation from Wedding Crashers? Yeah, me too. Only my head stayed above water for that one.

 

After bee-lining out of the pool, I stayed in the locker room as long as humanly possible—I took an extra-long shower for fear some of the other moms in there might think I was a husband-stealing hussy. The only upside to my mortification is that as I was putting on my sunglasses to walk out of the locker room, I thought: This will make a great blog. That and I'll never have to go to Saturday swim class again. Score!

 

Happy Monday, everyone! Anyone else have a boob-centered wardrobe malfunction to share? Or any good bathing suit recommendations? I'm in the market! 

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