When’s the “Perfect” Time to Have Another Baby?
June 7, 2012
© Sarah Preston Gorenstein
I think about this a lot, especially lately. I hate being so consumed by these thoughts of whether or not now is the perfect time to have another baby, when I don't even know if I can have another. So what if it isn’t the "perfect" time? Will it ever be? Life isn’t exactly getting easier (or cheaper) as I get older. What exactly are we waiting for? And why didn’t any of this matter to me the first time?
When it comes to parenting an almost three-year-old, it’s a lot easier now. I touched on this the other day, but sometimes I’m secretly okay with the fact that we don’t have any other kids right now, and can focus all our love and attention on Preston. (Am I allowed to say that, after everything I’ve been through with infertility?)
Don’t get me wrong: This isn’t how I pictured things going in my life, but I’m a glass-half-full kinda gal, and I see the upside of having only one kid right now. And that upside is having an incredible bond with my son (not that having more kids would break that bond, but we get each other all to ourselves). Another key factor in this decision for me is being able to put away money for college; pay for his private city preschool; his part-time nanny; extra-curricular activities like soccer and gymnastics, whatever we want; regular outings to museums, zoos, etc.; and anything else that’ll help shape him into a happy, smart, curious, well-adjusted kid.
The bottom line is: One kid is (hardly) affordable right now, but allows us to lead a somewhat stable life. Two kids will definitely change things. Is this something you ever think about? Or do you not let money get in the way of your family plans?
I’m also stretched as thin as a person can be stretched right now, juggling a lot in my work and family life—sometimes it’s hard to imagine balancing another baby with everything else, though I know we'd make it work somehow. I mean, I bought Alice Domar's book "Conquering Infertility" at my acupuncturist's office the other day, and I can't find five minutes to start reading it! (Nor have I gotten past page 20 of "Fifty Shades of Grey.")
But is that a reason not to start trying, because of my crazy work schedule? What about my fear of failure (again)?
If I’m being totally honest with myself, I know now probably isn't the perfect time to embark on another round of fertility treatments, and the roller coaster ride that you can't seem to get off, once you get on… But if I’m also being honest with myself, I know there may never be a more ideal time. Here's where I mention how old I am, and all the reasons why someone my age doesn't have the luxury of time to wait another minute, much less another month.
Remember when ignorance was bliss? This Jezebel article totally irritated me, mostly because I was able to relate to 80 percent of what the writer was saying. But unlike her, I want more kids...I just wish I had more time to have them.
Does infertility erase any of these concerns for you? I should probably shut up and just try again, before I start making a pros and cons list. Really, I should be so lucky to worry about all of this, right? For all I know, we had our only shot, and I’m sitting here smugly talking about whether the time is right to have another baby—after already having gone through a year of fertility treatments. What the hell am I even worrying about?